10 Things You Wish You Knew About Adopting An Older Child

1. You will fall in love with a picture and a child a world away, and you will lay awake at night, thinking of this child and wondering about the days, months, years that you have missed. You'll wonder if you will ever truly be "Mommy" and if your love will fill the void of an empty heart. An ache will fill you down deep in your soul and it will become your necessary strength for this journey.

2. You will try to share this crazy, incredible adoption experience with your closest friends and loved ones and find their blank stares and "Are you completely crazy?" comments unnerving. They won't get it, and that's okay, because you know in your soul that you are this child's mother and you will give up trying to explain it to everyone.

3. Your "Gotcha Day" might not be filled with cute pictures you can't wait to post on the internet of  you and your new child. In fact, the hand-over will be quick, the paperwork a blur, the guide will pat your back and say, "See you tomorrow!" and you will find yourself in a quiet hotel room, alone, with a child whom you loved from afar but cannot even begin to communicate with. The newness and shock will wear off within a day or two and then reality will set in, for both you AND your child, and your world will start spinning with thoughts of "what have we done?" and "can we DO this?" and their world will be spinning with thoughts of "I'm scared!" and "I want to go back to the orphanage!" and even if you know this is for the very best you will both be struggling under the weight of the UNKNOWN yet to come. You will lie awake at night with a stranger in the room and hope you haven't just made the biggest mistake of your life. You will long for your other children, for home, for sights, smells, and sounds that are familiar---knowing all the while your child is losing exactly what you miss.

4. You will get home and things will settle down a bit. You still can't communicate much, but charades and Google Translate and baby talk will work for a while. The jet lag will just about kill you, but once that wears off, the honeymoon will begin. Your husband and other children, your friends, and your family will lavish attention on the new child, and you will breathe a sigh of relief. This may actually work after all! The smiles, the giggles, the joyful, abandoned way your child embraces new experiences will delight you and encourage you. You will stress over schoolwork and foods for awhile, then shortly come to the realization that there are far more important things to be learned.

5. You will be shocked by this child's immaturity. No matter how old their paperwork says they are, in reality they are more like a toddler. So you have to start with toddler basics---things like: sit quietly at the table, don't wipe your snot on your shirt, don't throw yourself on the floor when I tell you "no". And you will begin the long process of repeating yourself, daily. Some new behaviors will be learned quickly---but other ones will take every.last.drop. of energy you ever possessed. You will have to teach your child how to snuggle, how to seek comfort, how to need people, how to read their body signals, how to do just about every last thing. You will cease to stress over schoolwork and such and will learn to appreciate little victories---like the first time you take your child to the store and they don't crawl under the clothing racks or run around in loud circles. Or the first time they fall and get hurt and run TO you instead of AWAY from you. You'll capture the first unsolicited kiss or hug and the first "I love you" and keep the memory and sweetness of it tucked away for the next exhausting day.

6. The honeymoon will eventually wear off completely, and your child will begin to grieve and rage heavily. The immensity of the loss ("Why my China mommy not keep me? Why you not adopt me when I a baby??? Why I not see my friends in China anymore?") combined with the inability to process their feelings in a healthy way---and the language barrier---will send the child almost completely over the edge. The mourning process may be quick but it may be lengthy and you will be dealing with hours and hours of crying, screaming, raging, defiance, or running away. This child who never learned to obey will defy you at every turn. You will need to help this child all.day.long. yet will feel the guilt of not being able to meet the needs of everyone who needs you simultaneously. The new child "needs" the most so the other family members must take second place for a time. And your guilt continues. You will, out of complete necessity, pull back from EVERYTHING else in your life.

7. You will keep the "bad days" to yourself, far more than you should, simply because you want this to work and you know you're right smack in the center of God's will and you don't want to hear the "I told you so's" from the crowd of dissenters. You will fear scaring off potential adoptive families if you tell the truth about how very hard this is. You will find your entire world is turned upside down for a while, and you will wonder if life will ever return to normal. The house you used to keep spotless will become messy, the children you used to have well-trained will begin to struggle, and you will find every aspect of your life in fragile disarray.

8. Your other children will "love" this child, then hate this child, then learn to truly love this child. This process will rip your entire heart right out of your body, yet it will teach all of you about Jesus' love. You will turn into a full-time counselor, guiding precious little hearts towards choosing love and forgiveness. YOU can take just about anything, but when your other children come to you and express their honest thoughts and struggles over this new child, you will come very close to wanting to disrupt, to start over, to go back to the safety of your "old" comfort circle. You will need other adoptive friends who can encourage and equip you to carry on when the going gets tough.

9. You will choose to continue on this journey, not because it is easy, but because it is good and right and necessary for healing. You will hold the raging child for hours and hours, you will redo and script and discipline and train and repeat yourself until you think you're going to lose your mind. You will snuggle this child when it makes your skin crawl, you will love this child even though you don't even like them some days, you will drop into bed drop-dead exhausted---and then you will get up again the next day and do it all over again, because you are committed to helping this child blossom. You will not rely on your feelings, because they will be all over the stinkin' place at times, but you WILL rely on your husband, your faith, and your unwavering commitment to parent this precious child. You will dig down deep and plow ahead, KNOWING the rewards will be worth it.

10. You will wake up one morning and realize that you've both made it through the dark valley and you're finally on somewhat even ground. Your child will brush their teeth without being told, will use a napkin and manners at the table. They will not whine, cry, quit, or cheat at their schoolwork. They will seek out affection and receive it willingly. You will smile as your children play together nicely and whisper sweet secrets in the dark at bedtime. You will listen and weep as your child finally opens up about their past, the abuse, and the heart of why they are who they are. You will take a breath and realize that you no longer love the image of this child--you truly love them. And you will find that your child is not the only one who has grown during this journey---you will not be the same person as before. You will be better. You will have no regrets as you realize you would gladly do it all over again to get to TODAY.

A Letter To My Daughter On Her Birthday

Dearest Eliana Rose,

Today, February 13th, 2013, is your eleventh birthday.

I remember the moment I found out we were expecting you. It had been a long road of infertility, heartache, doctors appointments, and disappointments in the years before you. There has never been a moment in my life where I have felt such incredible joy as the first time I saw two lines on a pregnancy test. You were on your way, and I was finally a mother.

We chose your name because it means "My God has answered my prayer". You were and are a gift from heaven. You were His before your birth, you were His at the moment of your birth, and you are His still.

-Three weeks old-

Your birth was my first attempt at an unmedicated birth. Thinking about touching you, kissing you, nursing you, and smelling your newborn smell is what got me through the long labor. You were worth every ounce of pain and I would have labored forever just to experience the joy of holding my first child in my arms. From the moment of your birth, we were inseparable. Where I went, you went, for years. I couldn't stand even a short time away from your sweet little self.

-One Year Old-

You loved to nurse, snuggle, sleep with Mommy, giggle with Daddy, and play with books. Lots and lots of books. You had a shy nature and reserved your jubilant personality for those who knew you best. You were a gentle and quiet soul, easy-going and self-entertained.

-8 Months Old-

As our firstborn, you were granted "guinea pig" status. We learned so much about ourselves as we learned how to parent you. I'm so sorry for the times we were too hard on you, the times when we didn't realize how unreasonable we were being, the times when we were harsh in the name of "godly parenting". We know better now and I love watching you as you learn to parent gently by caring for your siblings. You will be an incredible, patient mother someday.

-2 Years Old-

I remember how badly you wanted to have long hair like Mommy. For a very long time, your hair just did NOT grow! We began to wonder if it would ever get long! (it finally did and now it's gorgeous!)

-Just Turned Five-

Two busy little brothers came in quick succession after you. Even though you played with boys most of the day, you were (and are) a girly-girl at heart. We stuck close together, you and I, playing dolls and tea parties. You prayed daily for a little sister....so when I got pregnant again, you were hopeful that it would be a girl.

-6 Years Old-

-Just Turned 7-

Instead, God blessed us with another boy. :)

-Ethan, One week old, Ellie, 7 years old-

-Ethan, 3 weeks old-

You continued to pray for a girl, and your dream came true the following year when we traveled across the world to meet your sister for the first time.

-Gabbey's Gotcha Week, China. Ellie, almost 9-

Gabbey melted your heart the first time you held her tiny body. She attached to you right along with Daddy and Mommy. I love it when she cries for "Sissy!!" to sit by her in the van or at meal-time. You are truly "buddies" and have been so good for each other.

BUT--God wasn't done answering your prayer just yet! Instead of just ONE sister---in just nine months, He blessed you with a total of THREE sisters!

-Sisters by adoption, Friends for life--Johanna, Eliana, Gabriella, Alyssia-

I'm most proud of you for how you've welcomed Johanna into our family. Sharing your first-born place in the family was harder than any of us imagined....and yet you gracefully and repetitively have chosen to love Johanna. You two have become the best of friends, growing into sisters in the true sense of the word. You have taught Johanna how to share, how to give sacrificially, how to treat others, and how to forgive. I want you to always remember, that even though you are no longer the "oldest" in the Bergey Bunch, our love for you in unchanged---deep as the deepest ocean, high as the highest sky, never ending, always growing.

Daddy and I stand amazed at the mature young woman you are becoming. You still have lots of "little girl play" left in you, and I kind-of hope you never lose that. :) Your innocence is radiating. I'm so thankful that you're not swayed a bit by the typical pre-teen fads, fashions, and moods.

Always remember that true beauty is not found in body-size, makeup, clothing, or accessories....True beauty comes from a genuine walk with God, and an unselfish love for others.

In our eyes, you are truly beautiful.

Our only prayer for you is that you will serve God with complete abandon. Hold nothing back--only follow Him. Let Him mold you into His perfect masterpiece. Nothing else will bring you radical, radiant joy in life.

I promise to do my best to hold your hand through life's greatest joys and trials. I will encourage you, I will help you pick up the pieces, I will rejoice with you, and I will cry my eyes out with you. I can't promise you that life will always be easy, but I know without a doubt that you will overcome the challenges that come your way. Know that I pray for you daily---always, I'm praying for you.

Happy 11th Birthday, my beautiful daughter.

I love you, more than words can express.

Mommy

Day 10: Playful Parenting

(Click HERE to read the rest of the Grace-Parenting series!)

 

The more connected we are to GOD, to our spouse, to our family, and to our dearest friends, the more at peace we feel and the better we respond to the pressures of life.

 

This is just a simple fact that is true for all of humanity, even for the youngest of our race. :)

 

Beginning at birth, when a newborn immediately craves its mother's warm and loving embrace, and continuing throughout all of life, we all crave connection with those we love.

 

A connected child feels--and therefore, acts---better.



On Day 3 we talked about the incredible power of touch in parenting.

 

Touch is certainly one of the most important ways to build connection.

 

Today we're going to talk about another way to build that necessary connection with our children:

 

PLAYFUL PARENTING

 

Like it's name suggests, playful parenting is the act of engaging our children in a non-threatening, playful way.

 

Playful parenting can be used not only to connect with your child, but also to encourage obedience and make learning fun.

 

1. Use Playful Parenting to Connect with your Child.

 

Parents naturally play with their little babies.

 

Once children get a little older, some adults find it difficult to relate to their children in a playful manner. (Three hours of Candyland, anyone??)

 

Yet, children are playful little creatures and they LOVE to play with us! Most children would rather play with their Mommy or Daddy than do just about anything else. :)

 

Don't believe me?

 

Stop reading this right now.

 

Go over to your child, get eye-contact, and say, "Mommy has a few minutes of free time and I would like to PLAY with YOU! Do you want to play tag? Hide-and-seek? Have a pillow fight on my bed? Race your cars? Dress up and play tea party?"

 

What is your child's response? Complete, utter delight. :)

 

Children LOVE to play and be played WITH.

 

Often, Mommies are SO busy with the day-to-day necessary tasks of life---the laundry, dishes, cooking, schooling, diaper-changes, cleaning, grocery shopping. etc, etc---that they get too busy to remember to playfully interact with their children!

 

It becomes more about getting through the day and so much less about enjoying the moment.

 

When is the last time you crawled around on the floor, pretending to be a Momma lion chasing after her cubs?

 

When is the last time you had a good-old-fashioned family pillow fight?

 

How long has it been since you've tickled your 10 year old?

 

I'll be very honest and say that this is an area I sometimes struggle with myself. I'm thankful for a husband who thrives in the area of enjoying the moment and who has taught me much about Playful Parenting.

 

For example, I can potty, undress, bathe, dry, and re-dress all three toddlers in about 10 minutes.

 

Brent, on the other hand, takes about an hour to do the same exact job.

 

The difference?

 

He is having fun and I'm just getting it done.

 

He makes a water fountain out of cups, he chases little naked bottoms, he plays hide-and-seek with the towel, and he tickles bellies as he dresses them.

 

We both get bath time "done", but one of is is more connected when it's over.

 

The lesson here is simple: Take the time to connect with your child through playful parenting!

 

2. Use Playful Parenting to Encourage Obedience.

 

As you probably know by now, I believe in teaching and training for obedience.

Not only is obedience important for family structure, it is vital as a life-skill.

Authority will always be a part of our lives. :)

 

Take a minute now, and think back to your favorite childhood teacher---it doesn't have to be a school teacher, it could be a music teacher, a church teacher, a sports coach, any authority you spent time with as a child.

 

Did you strive to do your best for your favorite teacher because they held a big stick over your head and threatened to hit you with it if you did anything less than your very best? Did you love this teacher and do your best for them because they embarrassed you in front of your friends? Did you love this teacher because they spoke to you in a degrading, sarcastic, or disrespectful tone of voice?

 

I think not.

 

My point is this----this adult became your favorite for reasons other than "strict" discipline.

 

YES, structure and rules and following authority are a necessary and important part of all learning.

 

But everyone obeys easier when they feel connected and enjoy being with their authority.

 

The same is true for our precious children. YES, they need to obey us (and hopefully I'm giving you tools to help with teaching them that). But we can make it so much easier on the child if we do our best to make obedience FUN.

 

Here are just a few of the ways you can use Playful Parenting to encourage obedience.

 

*When it's time to pick up a messy room full of toys, instead of barking out, "Everybody clean up this mess RIGHT NOW or else!", try saying  (with a giant smile and an enthusiastic tone) "All right, everyone---we're going to clean up this mess as fast as we can! I bet I can pick up more toys than you can! Ready. Set. GO!" :)

 

*The next time you feel overwhelmed at the mess, the noise, the disobedience, and the chaos that is your life, instead of complaining or yelling, turn on some upbeat music (we use the Maple Leaf Rag, lol) and twirl your little ones around the living room. Jump, tickle, play, laugh, and let the stress melt away as you playfully connect with your children.

 

*If your toddler is starting to fuss or get grumpy, instead of pulling out a discipline tool, break out into a silly song. Having fun is contagious and hard to resist and before you know it, you'll both be smiling. :)

 

*Play "rock, paper, scissors" to decide who gets to pick their favorite chore.

 

*Don't always use the "I mean business" voice. (You know which one I mean.) Instead, use an engaging, sweet, loving, fun tone of voice.

 

*Make up a pretend character for yourself (NO, I will never demonstrate mine to my blog friends, lol. Leave me with some respect, thank you very much. :)) and use her to teach your children. (Or, in my case, make them laugh hysterically.) Change your voice and mannerisms and watch your children light up in excitement. (I use this when I am not succeeding at getting everyone's attention. I slide my glasses down to the tip of my nose and tuck my lips around my teeth to look like an old lady. I always start with, "Listen here, young people...." and my.children.LOVE.it.) Brent's arms turn into "Bubba" and "Zippy" when he plays with our children. :)

 

*When it's time for bed, tell your little ones that you're going to, "Count to three and then the crocodile is going to come eat you!" (In our house, Brent is the crocodile.) :) The children will take off running and laughing, obeying without confrontation.

 

*Make "large" tasks more fun and manageable by racing each other. Examples: Folding laundry, schoolwork, yardwork, cleaning out the family car, picking up legos, etc....

 

Use your imagination and make obedience FUN by connecting to your children through Playful Parenting. 

Alyssia: The Difference a Year Makes......

 

One year ago in China, a heartbroken foster mama and daddy said good-bye to a spunky little sparkly eyed baby. The baby they'd found 2 years before, abandoned as a tiny newborn. The baby who had slept in their bed, been comforted by their love, and charmed her way into their hearts.

 

They handed the beautiful baby girl over to her new daddy.

 

One year ago, a heartbroken little girl had her world turned topsy-turvy overnight. While she gained her "forever family", in the process she lost everything she'd ever known. The foster parents encouraged her to love your new American "baba" (daddy) but she didn't desire a replacement.

In desparation, she clung to the precious few items she came with: her clothes, her snack cup, her water bottle, and her sparkly red princess shoes. She spent hours crying in frustration that she couldn't hold all of her special things at once.

She slept fitfully, her nights filled with terror as she would awake and realize that the new daddy was still here and her foster mama was not. She would pick up her things and head for the hotel door, hoping this nightmare would be over soon.

 

The new daddy had prayed and waited for the moment he could hold his new baby girl in his arms---but naturally, she wasn't as excited as he was. Back home in America, the new mommy was clinging to every skype call, every email, every picture that was contact with her precious new daughter. Her mommy's heart ached to hold and comfort her during this difficult time.

 

Slowly, the baby girl began to accept her kind new daddy. They connected over food, over bath-time, over long walks and a soft new pink blankie.

  Just when the new normal was beginning to be predictable, the new daddy took the baby girl on a very, very long airplane ride......

 

which brought her to the arms of a new mommy. (and six fun new playmates!)

 

Having experienced the "hand-off'" once, baby girl was having none of it this time around.

 

She seemed convinced that if she liked the new mommy, even a tiny bit, the new daddy would leave and she would be abandoned yet again. So she clung tightly to new daddy and pushed, fought, screamed and sobbed when new mommy came near.

 

For a very long time... 

 

Even on "fun" days--like her 2nd birthday, the tears were still there. Especially if new daddy wasn't sitting VERY close by.

Each day the new daddy would peel the little arms off of his legs in order to leave for work.....and each evening, sweet baby girl would run to the new daddy and not let go of him all evening.

 

 

 

 

The new mommy tried very hard but it still took a long time for the sparkly little girl to start to shine through again.....

 

 

Until, finally, one day the new mommy could touch new baby without being smacked in the face....

 

 

Until one day, new baby would even SMILE with new mommy in the same room.

 
Until one day, new baby felt completely comfortable with her entire new family and the tears eased.....the fears subsided.......the night sweats went away......the nightmares and screaming were gone.

 
 And the new mommy was SO SO happy to finally be able to LOVE and be loved by new baby.
 

Welcome to the Bergey Bunch, Alyssia. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to love your sweet little self. This year has brought many changes for us and for you, but you are such a brave girl. Your spirit is gentle, kind, and so very precious to each one of us.

 

Never forget for a minute: You are so, so loved.

 

Happy 1 year Gotcha Day, Alyssia! 

 

 

Just Some Pictures

I have alot to post about. Like about how I potty trained Ethan this week and how Johanna is doing, both the good and the bad..... About sweet, gorgeous Alyssia, and how we're all holding up without Daddy..... About the changes I've made around the house to get ready for Lyssie and the awesome deal I found at a yard sale on Saturday.....

But until I have a magical window of time to post (perhaps tonight?) I'd thought I'd show off my new baby girl instead:)

Brent bought Lyssie a pink blankie and she LOVES it! Snuggles it and rubs the corners to fall asleep.....

A Small Glimpse Into Lyssie's World

Good afternoon from Guangzhou China. Lyssie and I settled in last night at around 8 p.m. into our hotel. Selina has stated correctly that it has been a very challenging week. This has been such an emotional trip for me and even more so for Lyssie. But as I have told Selina, just when I start to get frustrated by an event that is happening, my God is faithful to remind me that my steps are ordered by Him. He has been so faithful in this journey and has encouraged me through His word and through His leading me.

This morning we went to the doctors office to get Lyssie checked out. They were very impressed by her health and demeanor. What they couldn't find wrong was a broken heart. There is no magic potion or medicine that will heal this. Love and time are the only remedy for this wound.

After visiting the doctor I told my guide Helen (who is super) to go spend time with her family today. I really wanted and want to have some time alone with Lyssie. It is really the first day I have had alone with her. We walked the streets of the island that I am staying on and held hands and walked into the shops. She was very happy with a sucker in one hand and holding daddy's hand with the other. Although, I am sure the sucker hand brought her more joy. :)

After we walked around for awhile we went to lunch at the all famous Lucy's. Lyssie has been her "normal" post adoption self, very quiet and reserved. The White Swan Hotel closed yesterday for the next year so then can renovate it. It is definitely noticeable. It is much quieter. I met some very nice people and they all asked about my story and I asked about theirs as well. It is very unusual for a daddy to come by himself. Then all of a sudden, something happened during lunch. For the first time since I have had Lyssie she smiled and laughed at me.(and no, I didn't have food stuck to my face) I saw, for the first time since the second Gotchya day...cough cough... her real personality. WOW!!! She giggled and played and ate. She gave me a big hug and a kiss. It was a LIGHT BULB moment. Praise the Lord for His goodness. He encourages us at  just the time we need it.

We walked half way back to the room and stopped. She was getting tired and wanted me to carry her. I put her on my shoulders for the rest of the way to the hotel.

Now she is in bed sleeping her little heart away. I am so thankful that she let me see a glimpse into her heart.

Grieving....

My apologies for the delay in getting an update posted. For some reason :), I'm quite exhausted by the time I get all the children to bed, straighten up, work on laundry, and Skype with Brent.

Alyssia is doing okay. Having her be so attached to the foster parents has its good and bad points---the good being that she should bond easier to us, the bad being she's grieving for them. HARD.

Gotcha Day was Tuesday, and a bit of a letdown. The foster parents rode TO Gotcha Day with Brent and Anna, and drove back to the hotel with them. Nothing really changed from Monday. They all ate lunch together, then Alyssia napped in their room. Dinner was together again, then she slept in their room again. So Brent wasn't feeling much like the Daddy yet, although he greatly encouraged the foster parents to spend the time with Lyssie.....

At lunch on Tuesday, Brent asked the foster parents when they were planning on leaving. They responded that they weren't sure. Brent's concern was that if they waited until Friday, he would be attempting to FLY to Guangzhou with a very-heavily-grieving-angry-toddler. They said they would leave Wednesday morning, and make the transition of Alyssia's care to Brent at that point.

Tuesday night, the foster parents were going to let Alyssia fall asleep in their room, then carry her to Brent's room and put her to bed there. I quickly saw the MAJOR problems with that idea. First, she was bound to wake up terrified and begin screaming, at which point the foster parents would have come and "rescued" her from the "bad" man who's bed she was just in. NOT the way to build trust in my opinion, especially since they were still "in the picture". Brent told them to just let her sleep with them one last time.

So, Wednesday was more like "Gotcha Day", because Brent actually "got" Alyssia. The foster parents brought her to him in the morning and said a very teary good-bye.

Instead of being a happy adoptive parent, Brent has felt like he's "kidnapping" THEIR child.

Well, they didn't leave Wednesday morning like they promised they would. They texted and called Anna ALL day to ask about her (this was while she was with Brent!) So, when poor little Alyssia was grieving pretty heavily in Brent's room around 7 pm, he received a phone call from Anna. The foster parents had heard her crying and "suggested" Brent take her out of the room.

Brent very firmly said No, he was NOT taking her out, that they'd been out all day and she was exhausted and ready for bed, and to please not call again.

Sweet little Alyssia didn't eat or drink ANYTHING on Wednesday, but woke up Thursday ready to eat breakfast. She is grieving, and her little face looks SO sad right now. She screamed or cried a good bit of Wednesday, but Thursday was mostly just acting depressed. She is allowing Brent to comfort her and offer her love and affection....and she is sleeping much of the time, a grieving/shutdown mechanism, I'm sure.

You will see her grasping her little red shoes, her clothes she came with, and her water bottle in many pictures. These are definitely her "security" items, and she carries them everywhere and won't sleep without them.

My heart is breaking for her....she's old enough to know something's "wrong" but too young to understand what's really happening.

Wednesday evening the foster parents called Anna and wanted her to come down to their room. They wanted to see if Alyssia was eating and drinking. I COMPLETELY understand that they are also grieving. However, it doesn't seem to be helping anyone for them to continue to stay 5 rooms down from Brent and keep contacting him....it sure makes him nervous to leave the room, for fear he's going to run into them and Alyssia will see them.

SO, they promised they were leaving Thursday morning.

I think you know that didn't happen. Brent looked outside his door (through the peephole) at 8 am and the foster mom was standing there, listening at the door....

Brent toured a museum, then had fun with Alyssia in the room. She REALLY likes the bathtub, and played in there for over an hour. Brent even fed her dinner in the tub, since she was so happy.:)

Foster parents said they were leaving Friday morning.

Brent was at breakfast with Alyssia and looked up to see the foster mom standing behind a glass window, just staring at him and the baby. Then the foster dad walked by and Alyssia almost saw him.

Brent immediately headed for his room and called Anna.

She reassured him (and me!) that they are NOT going to take the baby back, they just wanted to see her.

We have such mixed emotions about all of this.

This couple obviously loves our Alyssia. Very much. They've taken EXCELLENT care of her, and we will be forever grateful. We know this is painful for them and we sympathize with that pain. For whatever reason, they were not allowed to adopt her and decided to find her a good home instead.

We chose to honor their connection with her by including their nickname for her as her middle name. Her official name is now Alyssia Xiao Bao Bergey. Xiao Bao (pronounced See-ow Bow, as in bow down, not tie a bow) means "little treasured child" and we felt it was truly fitting.

But if Alyssia saw them now, even for a minute, Brent would be back to square one as far as bonding/grieving goes....actually, probably WORSE than it was in the beginning. It would NOT be in the best interest of the CHILD and that is what this is all about.

Needless to say, Brent and I will both breathe a sigh of relief when he and Alyssia arrive in Guangzhou later today (Friday afternoon China time).  :)

Here's a few more pictures from Thursday.....the last picture was taken in July when another family traveled for their child.....The Director and his wife brought Lyssie along and the adoptive mother graciously sent me pictures from that day!

God is good, and has orchestrated the events of this week and our adoption of our beautiful new daughter. We are trusting Him to give us the wisdom we need to assist her during this adjustment time.

And I will continue to count down the days until she's in my arms! :)