tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32192338688864063592024-03-13T03:58:27.312-07:00THE BERGEY BUNCHOur abundant life with our "bunch" of blessings from the LORD....Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.comBlogger232125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-27902089368110132722016-07-14T17:06:00.001-07:002016-07-14T17:06:53.652-07:00Our ninth child and opening up the blog again...<span id="goog_1972476313"></span><span id="goog_1972476314"></span><br />
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I closed this blog down a few months ago. I found an online attack on me and my family, and truthfully, I just wanted to hide. Maybe that's silly. I don't know. I just know that it hurt so badly to have total strangers judging the situation with Johanna...especially when they didn't even know her whole story.<br />
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Regardless, I'm a better place now. I've talked in length with Johanna, and she's very comfortable with sharing parts of her story that encourage other families through older child adoption, so I'm reopening this blog. I've removed a couple of posts regarding her time in residential care, for her own privacy's sake. If you've found this blog because you're looking for older child adoption resources or help, please email me <a href="mailto:selina.bergey@gmail.com" target="_blank">here.</a> I'd love to chat with you.<br />
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Remember, I blog more frequently at <a href="http://www.perspectivesinparenting.com/" target="_blank">Perspectives in Parenting</a>--my little spot on the net to talk about Grace, Connection, and Jesus in our parenting.<br />
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The biggest news for our family is the recent addition of our ninth child. Andrew joined our family through a disruption situation, and you can<a href="http://perspectivesinparenting.com/the-email-the-skype-call-and-the-first-meeting-our-ninth-child-part-1/" target="_blank"> read part one</a> and <a href="http://perspectivesinparenting.com/the-paperwork-the-placement-and-the-plane-ride-our-ninth-child-part-2/" target="_blank">part two of his story here.</a><br />
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We moved into a missions house in March, and will be moving to South Africa in April! Our hearts are already there and we can't wait to begin the next phase of our ministry soon. Sometimes it seems like a dream--moving to Africa, working with orphans.<br />
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Brent and I celebrated 18 years of marriage in June. That seems like a really long time. Not in a bad way, just in a wow-it-still-feels-like-yesterday kind of way. He's helped me become a better person and I'm thankful for his love and laughter every single day.<br />
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It feels nice to hit "publish" again. :)<br />
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Blessings,<br />
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Selina<br />
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<br />Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-42264482146828644612015-10-27T10:00:00.000-07:002015-10-27T10:00:01.139-07:00Check out my new blog!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hello, friends! I've missed posting here, but after much prayer and the encouragement of my husband, I've started a brand new blog!<br />
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<a href="http://www.perspectivesinparenting.com/" target="_blank">Find it here: Perspectives in Parenting: Grace, Connection, and JESUS</a><br />
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The Bergey Bunch was heading in so many different directions (family updates, adoption, parenting, ministry, etc) that I was struggling with knowing where to focus. Perspectives in Parenting is a brand new blog with a focus on Christian parenting.<br />
<br />You'll find tabs on everything from older child adoption to co-sleeping, special needs parenting to child training techniques, connected discipline to missions and ministry parenting!<br />
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Eliana (13) even has her own section <i>just for teens </i>and she's gathered quite a bit of attention with her new posts on<a href="http://perspectivesinparenting.com/?p=127" target="_blank"> modesty </a>and <a href="http://perspectivesinparenting.com/?p=290" target="_blank">choosing friends </a>wisely. :)<br />
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For the very first time, I've shared publicly about <a href="http://perspectivesinparenting.com/?p=262" target="_blank">how I was almost aborted.</a> You won't want to miss that post!<br />
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If you've enjoyed the Bergey Bunch over the years,<b> make sure you go FOLLOW my new blog right now so you don't miss a single new post!</b><br />
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I also have a<a href="https://www.facebook.com/perspectivesinparenting?fref=nf" target="_blank"> Facebook Page for Perspectives in Parenting</a>. Don't forget to "like" the page so you can keep up with new posts, pictures, and join in the conversation. :)<br />
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I will still be blogging here with family updates and pictures. Blessings to you, my sweet friends! Hope to see you on the "other" side at Perspectives in Parenting!<br />
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Selina BergeySelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-19067137301816562532015-08-22T07:38:00.000-07:002015-08-22T07:38:10.846-07:00Crazy Day (Day Camp, July 2015)Because of our deputation ministry, our summers are different than before.<br />
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There's no <b>long break</b> from school. </div>
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We homeschool <b>year-round</b> in order to allow time to finish our work <i>while traveling so frequently </i>and attending so many missions conferences. We've visited zoos and science museums in <i>just about every state we've been to so far</i> and that's been one of the fun parts of the "traveling life". :)</div>
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Anyway, one of the highlights of this summer for our kiddos was a Day Camp at Eastside Baptist Church in Mebane, NC. Not only does this church support our ministry, they also have <b>full hook-ups</b> for our travel trailer and have allowed us to park there several times. Since we were parked there during their yearly Day Camp, they invited our children to attend.</div>
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They had a <b>blast </b>every day, but <i style="font-weight: bold;">CRAZY DAY </i>was definitely their favorite day. :)<br />
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It was a fun memory from this summer. :)</div>
Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-2686620114729659152015-08-17T19:02:00.002-07:002015-08-17T19:02:50.258-07:00Happy Birthday, Titus!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Titus turned ONE today.</div>
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Sigh. A whole YEAR, gone, just like that.<br />
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We weren't near family or friends, so we just celebrated with the children. Titus didn't seem to mind (but Mommy wishes everyone could have been here to enjoy our little boy).<br />
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Nathaniel bought Titus a light-up ball. It was a HIT.<br />
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THE CAKE. :)<br />
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The siblings <i>may have been more excited than the </i><b>birthday boy.</b> (OH, the joy of big families. So much love going around!)<br />
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"What is the creation that you are PUTTING RIGHT IN MY REACH???"<br />
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"Oh my---I can touch it! And eat it! YAY!!!"<br />
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"HEY---I wasn't done with that yummy, messy CAKE!" :)<br />
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His toes. Sweet, tiny little toes.<br />
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His favorite part of the party? The BUBBLES!<br />
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Titus, you were loved, wanted, adored, and cherished from the moment of your conception. You are the best thing that has ever happened to our family. We adore you and rejoice in this, your very FIRST birthday!<br />
<br />Love,<br />The Bergey Bunch :)Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-82573564149950386252015-08-17T18:45:00.001-07:002015-08-17T18:45:45.644-07:00Titus Alexander Bergey, One Year Old Pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
He's gorgeous. He's cuddly. He's chubby and soft and spunky. He brings JOY to the entire Bergey Bunch. </div>
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We love you, Titus Alexander!</div>
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<br />Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-67595947318988495252015-06-06T11:21:00.000-07:002015-06-06T11:21:13.370-07:00Surviving to Thriving: Refreshing Tips for Successful Older Child Adoption I wish that parenting came with a perfect "how to" handbook. I REALLY wish adoptive parenting came with that handbook. :)<br />
<br />
I've been asked to share what we've learned so far in our adoptive parenting journey. Most of this applies to adopting an <i>older child, </i>but some of it is helpful with the younger crowd as well. Johanna has encouraged me to blog these things, and I plan on getting her to participate in the series. (We've got a great plan for an interactive video, too!)<br />
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There are <i>so many</i> things we wish we had known when we first brought Johanna home, things that have literally made the difference between us <i>making it or not. </i>I'm always learning and willing to share what I've learned---so, here goes. :)<br />
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(Please remember that I'm not THE expert in this field, and that all of my advice may or may not work for you and your child.)<br />
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Let's start at the beginning with number one. :)<br />
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<b><u><span style="font-size: large;">1. Focus on the Essentials</span></u></b><br />
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Often families are struggling because of a <b>focus on non-essentials.</b><br />
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Here's the thing: Kindness is an <i>essential skill.</i><br />
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Eating oatmeal is <i>not. </i><br />
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Respect for authority is another <i>esssential.</i><br />
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Throwing toilet paper into the toilet (and not the trashcan or floor) is <i>not. </i>:)<br />
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Communicating needs and feelings in English is an <i>essential skill.</i><br />
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Reading in English is <i>not. </i><br />
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<b>Bonding and forming healthy attachments with both parents and siblings is an ESSENTIAL skill----Education is <i>not. </i></b><br />
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Yes, they need an education. Yes, we want them to "catch up". Sadly, many families focus on <i>catching up with education </i>MORE than they focus on <i>catching up on healthy attachments. </i><br />
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<i>If you're more stressed about what workbook/curriculum/online program/school your child needs than you are their ability to fully communicate with you in English, you are likely focusing on the WRONG SKILL. </i><br />
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And here is where you find frustrated families, because a child with no healthy attachment skills will more than likely NOT CATCH UP on their education. So you're pushing, and forcing, and stressing, and <i>the child could care less </i>because the skill they need most is an attachment with <i style="font-weight: bold;">you</i>, not an education.<br />
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My number one advice for families adopting an older child is for them to <b>FOCUS ON THE ESSENTIALS.</b> <br />
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Early essential skills worth focusing on:<br />
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---Kindness to both people AND animals.<br />
---Communication of needs in new language.<br />
---Healthy sleep and eating habits.<br />
---Family rules for chores and safety.<br />
---Playful interaction between family members.<br />
---Loving touch is a GOOD thing.<br />
---Parents are primary and NECESSARY for meeting needs.<br />
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Behaviors NOT worth focusing on in the beginning:<br />
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---Public behavior (even when it's incredibly embarrassing, lol).<br />
---Gross habits (nose picking, burping at table, wiping snot on their sleeve, etc).<br />
---Hygiene (daily showering, changing of clothes, brushing teeth, etc).<br />
---Food preferences.<br />
---Unhealthy attachment/idolization of past relationships or country.<br />
---Heart change. (More on this one later.)<br />
---SCHOOL.<br />
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Now, of course, many of the things on the non-essential list are able to be addressed while still focusing on the essentials.<br />
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<i>But anytime you find yourself overwhelmed or upset at your child, ask yourself--"Is this an essential skill I'm stressing about?" </i><br />
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If the answer is "no", consider easing up, letting go, and returning to the essentials for awhile. :)Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-83932325520863785182015-05-15T10:42:00.002-07:002015-05-15T10:42:58.203-07:00Mother's Day, 2015I have a ton of pictures to share, from Ethan's 6th birthday to our sweet Mother's Day celebration.....BUT I don't have a strong wifi signal here this week, so I'll wait and upload all of them at once next time I have a good connection speed. :) <br />
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For now, I'll share two of my favorite pictures ever! I feel SO blessed to be Mama to these eight gorgeous children! :)<br />
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I'm working on Part 3 of the Residential and Results series, and should have it up by the end of tomorrow. Blessings!Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-35662218087843317882015-03-17T18:48:00.000-07:002015-03-17T18:48:52.283-07:00Sweet Seven Months Old<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Titus woke up with a cold this morning. I took him outside to grab a few pictures for his "seven month birthday", but the WONDERFUL, BRIGHT, SUNSHINE was too much for his little blue (watery) eyes. </div>
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He wanted Mama and only Mama. :)</div>
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<br />So, I recruited Eliana to take the following pictures, and I scooped up my baby and gave him Mama kisses. </div>
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Cold and all. </div>
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Cause I just can't ever get enough slobbery baby kisses. :)</div>
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He grabbed me and pulled in!<br />
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Happy Seven Months, little one. </div>
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You bring utter delight to each member of our family. </div>
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<br />Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-5570740306498924632015-02-14T18:19:00.000-08:002015-02-14T18:19:49.803-08:00For My Daughter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Dearest Eliana,</div>
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Yesterday, you turned <b>THIRTEEN.</b> </div>
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I could go on an on about how fast the years have flown by, or reminisce about all the adorable things you did when you were a baby, but instead, I want to take a minute and share my heart with you. </div>
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I want you to know that I am proud of you. You are a born <b>overcomer.</b> There have been many things that life has thrown your way that have been challenging, and yet, you have <b>overcome </b>each one.<br />
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You are a <b>forgiver.</b> Only your family truly knows the things you've faced, but each time, you were given two options: become bitter, or <b>forgive.</b> I am overwhelmed with gratefulness that you chose what God wants---forgiveness.<br />
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You are an <b>example. </b>I love that I can tell the little girls to "be like Ellie" and it's a GOOD thing. :) I watch the way you mother them, and I listen to the way you speak to them, and I can hear Jesus in you. Always choose G-R-A-C-E in your dealings with children. They look to you for an <b>example.</b><br />
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You are <b>loved. </b>From Aunt Rhonda (pictured above) to the rest of your extended family, from Johanna down to Titus, and especially from your Daddy and myself---YOU ARE LOVED. Wherever life takes you, never forget that we <b>love </b>you. Right now, at 13, you may take it for granted, but someday you will wake up and find yourself lonely for the chaos that is your f-a-m-i-l-y.<br />
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And we will be there for you. (Hopefully that's a reassuring thing. LOL)<br />
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You are <b>beautiful. </b>I look at you and stand in awe of your <b>beauty.</b> I love the fact that the <b>inside </b>is as beautiful as the <b>outside.</b><br />
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It won't be long before young men start noticing the lovely young woman you've become. Don't waste your time with those who are more interested in your <b>outer beauty </b>than your true <b>inner beauty.</b> Save your heart for that very special young man who is waiting patiently for YOU.<br />
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Remember that there will always be someone "prettier" than you, "thinner" than you, more "popular" than you, and that seems "happier" than you. Don't fall into the female <b>comparison trap. </b>You'll never please everyone anyway.<br />
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<b>Just.Be.Beautiful.You</b>.<br />
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The one God created in my womb thirteen years ago.<br />
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The one who fills our days with such delightful J-O-Y.<br /><br />
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You're <b>radiant </b>with the love of Jesus. Remember that serving HIM will bring you true joy in life.<br />
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Money, fame, popularity, and plenty of STUFF will try to distract you from serving Jesus. Keep your heart close to HIM so His voice is louder than all of the distractions.<br />
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People say the "teen" years are hard. I know it has to be hard to feel stuck between child and adult. :)<br />
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Your Daddy and I are there for you as you navigate this path to adulthood. We aren't perfect parents and you won't be the perfect teen---but you will ALWAYS be the perfect teen for US.<br />
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I'm not sure I'm ready for you to grow up. I've never walked this journey before. It's exciting and scary all at once.<br />
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I know the time will come (sooner than I'd like!) when you will examine all that we have poured into you and determine what YOU truly believe. Your faith and your purpose in life will be brought under deep scrutiny.<br />
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If you only come away with one thing, my prayer is that it's a vibrant love relationship with Jesus. None of the rest is important if you don't LOVE HIM.<br />
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You could not do or be anything that could make us any more <b>proud </b>of you than we are right this very minute. You are our precious first-born, our miracle child, the child we begged God to allow us to have.<br />
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You are a <b>delight </b>to both Daddy and me.<br />
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I will love you forever.<br />
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Happy 13th birthday.<br />
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MommySelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-88969468618880390372015-02-12T11:29:00.000-08:002015-02-12T11:29:27.857-08:00This and ThatThe last two weeks have been relatively uneventful. A couple of good meetings, homeschooling, and other normal things. We have been parked at Eastside Baptist Church in Mebane, NC, for almost 2 weeks and that is a VERY long time for us to be in one place! In a way, it's nice, because I get comfortable finding the local grocery store and library, and we don't spend hours moving our trailer or driving, but usually we're all ready to "hit the road" when it comes time. <br />
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Our new trailer is having some humidity/condensation issues. We have tried all the recommendations for eliminating the issue to no avail, so we will be dropping it off tomorrow at the dealership. This is always an adventure as our "home" is unavailable until it's done being serviced, but thankfully this is <strong><em>supposed</em></strong> to be a one-day job. We will have an entire day to "kill" but Brent did mention the word IKEA so one can hope that it will be a fun day. :)<br />
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The day before we leave a place is almost always a very busy day. I need to find a good local Laundromat (and get all the laundry clean!), plan and prepare breakfast for the next day, get everyone showered and dressed before bed (so the morning routine can go <strike>quickly and smoothly </strike>as smoothly as possible), clean the trailer, and prepare the van for traveling (cleaning it out, organizing backpacks, packing extra diapers and wipes, etc). <br />
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Yesterday was spent with our dear friends the Deloziers. Loretta and I have been friends since we were teenagers, and her friendship is one of my sweetest treasures in life. She is my true kindred spirit (to quote Anne of Green Gables). Their family lives near Mebane, so we have spent EVERY possible minute together these past 2 weeks! Loretta has 5 precious little girls ( Moriah, Charity, Naomi, Chloe, and Lydia) who are a mix between delicate ladies and rough and tumble farm girls. :) Our children have SO much fun together. From BB guns and pocket knives to sheep and cows (and lots of M-U-D), they had a blast. And Loretta and I were able to catch up on some talk-as-fast-as-we-can-between-cooking-and-caring-for-13-children fun. <br />
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Mariah, with her sweet smile (and her ever ready BB gun, lol).<br />
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Gorgeous, toothless, curly-haired Naomi.<br />
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All THIRTEEN children, after a long play day!<br />
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Love you, friend, more than words can ever say. God knew I needed YOU. <br />
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My wonderful sister-in-law Rhonda bought our older children tablets for Christmas and we are just LOVING the new world of digital books! Last night, I downloaded new audio books (from the library) onto Nathaniel and Noah's tablets and this is what they looked like all morning.....<br />
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Such cute boys. :)<br />
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Okay, well, I'd love to write more but I'm off to have fun at the local Laundromat this afternoon. Hopefully I can dig myself out of the pile of dirty clothes!<br />
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Love and blessings!Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-54062144723826635192015-02-10T14:15:00.001-08:002015-02-10T14:15:17.227-08:00Life on the Road, Part 2 (New Trailer Tour)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Here's a virtual "tour" of our new trailer. Even though it's small (and we would all love to be in a real house again!), this is our HOME. It's where memories are made, where children are loved on and educated, where meals are eaten, and where we all feel "comfortable". Is it always easy? No way. But we are SO SO thankful that the Lord has orchestrated events in a way that we can stay together as a family while we raise support. </div>
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The front door opens to the "living" space:</div>
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I took out the two tables that came with the trailer and replaced them with one long "craft" table. It can be folded down when we travel, moved at night for bed arrangements, AND it's large enough that we can all scrunch around it for meals and school! :) All day, every day, you will find a child (or 2 or 3) playing around this table. <br />
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Above the couch/table is storage for toys, backpacks, craft supplies, puzzles, and games.<br />
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To the right of the kitchen is the "master bedroom". My things are on the left and Brent's things are on the right. There is some nice under-bed storage that holds things like extra blankets, important family paperwork, Brent's shoes, etc. </div>
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<br />Titus' diapers/wipes/blankets/toys are to the left of the bed. His diaper bag fits nicely there, too.</div>
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Being transparent here for sure....this is my closet. Yes, this is ALL of my hanging up clothes. LOL. It's amazing what you can learn to live without! Every single item that comes into our home must have a place and a purpose---and it must get USED frequently or this Mama will find it a new home in the trashcan or local donation spot. :)<br />
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To the left of the kitchen is the "kids bedroom". Johanna, Eliana, Nathaniel, and Noah share this room. They call it the "big kids room" and enjoy staying up later than the little ones, talking, playing, and giggling way too much. </div>
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That's reading/sticker/coloring books on the top shelf, and school books on the bottom two shelves. Library books are on the floor. We can't usually utilize the local library, but a friend graciously shared her card last week with us. We LOVE books!</div>
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More toy totes, couch and dinette by day and Johanna and Noah's beds by night. :) I'll need to do a nighttime post to show you how everyone sleeps. <br />
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Much of the children's bedding gets stored on Eliana's bed during the day and brought out at night. Believe it or not, they got rid of most of their stuffed animals!<br />
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Nathaniel's bed fold up during the day and folds down at night. This table is SO useful, not only for school but also for Rook tournaments. <br />
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Gabbey and Lyssie have a doll tote shown here. The green tote is for tablets/headphones/Leap games, etc.<br />
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All 7 older children have their "hanging up" clothing in this closet. They each have a drawer or cabinet for all of their folded clothing as well. Boys socks are held in that large laundry bag. (Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with boys socks??) <br />
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And there you have it! Life in our trailer. I did forget to take pictures of the bathroom (although it's quite unexciting!) but I will try to get to that when I answer any questions from the previous post. <br />
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Blessings on you and your day---This is the day the LORD hath made, so REJOICE in whatever circumstances HE brings your way....even if that means living in a 35 ft travel trailer. :) He is always, always, good!Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-70581048502811516422015-02-10T13:33:00.001-08:002015-02-10T13:33:18.161-08:00Life on the Road, Part 1I cleared all the pictures off my memory card today and came across <em><strike>never before seen footage </strike></em>a bunch of pictures of life in our trailer. Since I frequently get asked about HOW we have managed to live on the road for 19 months now, I thought it would be fun to share them below. :) <br />
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Also, I'm opening this post up to questions from you, my sweet friends. If you're curious about how life works during this stage of our lives and ministry, please drop me a quick note. I will do my best to photograph and blog about the answers to your questions!<br />
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(Side note: Two weeks ago, we traded in our first trailer for a different model. We had been having serious manufacturing problems, and although the company claimed responsibility and covered the <strike>too frequent</strike> repairs, we felt safer working with a new company. So these pictures are from this past fall and our "old" trailer. I've already taken a "photo tour" of our new trailer, which I'll post soon.)<br />
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**Early morning, showing sleeping arrangements for all the children except Johanna, who was gone at the time these were taken. <br />
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Noah on the couch and Ethan on the couch/dinette. Our laundry is normally stored in the bathtub, so anytime someone needs a shower, we have to move it to the living room. Hence the turquoise laundry baskets seen below!<br />
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Nathaniel on the top bunk and Gabbey and Lyssie on the bottom.<br />
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Nursing Titus, while attempting to wake up sleeping children. This was a Sunday morning and it was EARLY. :)<br />
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Titus, playing on my bed. He wasn't rolling over or scooting yet. :)<br />
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Eating breakfast. The box fan was for white noise at night---but we've upgraded to 2 noise makers now and they work SO well!<br />
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Sorting socks with Lyssie. The top bunk folded up during the day and was part of our morning routine. Making beds and cleaning up blankets and pillows always takes a good amount of time, and I've had to adjust to the fact that nothing happens "quickly" in the trailer. I find myself repeating, "Take it slow and don't panic" throughout the day. LOL.<br />
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Working on the little girl's Sunday hair. There's not enough room in the bathroom to do this (and someone else is always needing it anyway!)</div>
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We rotate morning chores---this day, Gabbey organized the shoe shelf, Lyssie vacuumed the floors and couches, and Nathaniel worked on dishes. <br />
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(Notice the TINY kitchen space! This presented quite a challenge for me at times. Our new trailer has a much more functional kitchen space and I'm SO grateful!)<br />
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Ethan and Noah reading and playing quietly before church. Once the little ones are in their church clothes, they can't go outside and play, so we assign quiet play until we leave for church. :)<br />
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All dressed and ready, trailer cleaned up--time to leave for church! <br />
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Sunday afternoon nap time. <br />
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Outside play is a large part of our life! Because we are always parked somewhere "new", the children get to constantly explore their surroundings. Sometimes we are at a church, and sometimes (like these pictures), we are at a campground. <br />
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I keep totes of various toys and rotate them in and out of the trailer for variety. We have a storage unit in our hometown so I can keep these things organized and available as needed. <br />
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I never thought I would bring a newborn "home" to a travel trailer, with no nursery, no crib, no swing, no bouncy seat, etc----but Titus hasn't lacked for a single thing! He has been the sweetest, easiest little guy and I stressed about all of that "stuff" for nothing---he couldn't be happier! <br />
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Coming up next: Trailer Tour! I'll walk you through each room and space in our home and show you how it works for us. <br />
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(Remember to post your questions on this post!)<br />
<br />Blessings!Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-48227141949343557802015-02-04T11:09:00.000-08:002015-02-04T11:09:07.399-08:00Family UpdateI blogged on our ministry blog this week. You can find a recap of ALL of 2014 and LOTS of pictures of our family and our survey trip over there!<br />
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<a href="http://littlefishministries.org/2015-family-update/" target="_blank">Click Here for Little Fish Ministries Blog!</a>Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-17273739637994963252015-01-30T12:20:00.001-08:002015-01-30T12:20:46.493-08:00Christmas Picture and a BLESSING, 2014<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Notice anything different from my <a href="http://www.bergeybunch.blogspot.com/2014/10/update-on-johanna.html" target="_blank">last post</a> about Johanna? <br />
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She is HOME. After 5 months in residential treatment, and some horrible events (which I plan to write about soon), she is doing A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! <br />
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While I believed in the power of prayer before, after this experience---I am even more convinced. We saw a definite turn of events when we openly shared about the struggles Johanna was facing and asked for an outpouring of PRAYER on her behalf. <br />
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I love the sparkle in her eyes. :) Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-7033140089561481922014-10-03T15:09:00.000-07:002014-10-03T15:09:50.268-07:00The Mama Bear Technique(Click <a href="http://bergeybunch.blogspot.com/p/grace-parenting.html" target="_blank">HERE</a> for the rest of my Grace Parenting posts.)<br />
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In my post <a href="http://bergeybunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/embracing-boyhood-finding-joy-in-little.html" target="_blank">Embracing Boyhood: Finding Joy in Little Boys,</a> I talked about ways to find joy while parenting busy little boys. <br />
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Today I'm going to add to that topic by sharing one of my favorite "boy" techniques. It's simple, really, but it might seem a bit unnatural for the more feminine/prim and proper/perfectionist type Mamas. (like me, lol)<br />
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<strong><u><span style="font-size: large;">The Mama Bear Technique: Physical Interaction with Little Boys</span></u></strong></div>
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Little boys are, by nature, quite <strong>physical. </strong></div>
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They run. </div>
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They jump.</div>
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They climb.</div>
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They struggle with sitting still for <strong>long periods of </strong>time. </div>
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They laugh <strong>loudly</strong> (and at things that we girls don't even find slightly funny, like body noises). </div>
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They throw things (hopefully like footballs and baseballs). </div>
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They <strong>love </strong>to wiggle and tickle and wrestle and tackle each other. </div>
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And often, these very things are what get them into <strong>T-R-O-U-B-L-E!</strong></div>
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The Mama Bear Technique is simply a way we mamas can get on our boys' level and, essentially, <em>get physical.</em></div>
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Sometimes it can be used to <strong>CONNECT </strong>with our boys in the language they understand:</div>
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--Instead of sending them outside to "run off their energy", play a game of tag instead. Shout out "Mommy's 'it' and coming to get you! Better run!"</div>
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--Play jumping or running games WITH them. </div>
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--The next time someone burps (and you're tempted to reprimand for poor manners), catch their eye and giggle a bit. Really shock them and announce a burping contest after dinner. :)</div>
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--When you're folding laundry and get to the sock pile (which is never-ending in our home), fold up the socks into little balls and throw them as hard as you can at your little guys. Start a sock war and watch their eyes light up with joy. </div>
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--Call a pillow fight or a tickle battle.</div>
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The Mama Bear Technique can also be used to <strong>RECONNECT </strong>with our boys when they are struggling. This is my favorite use of this technique:</div>
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--When your little guy is having a rough time respecting or obeying you, call them over to you, get good eye contact, then give an appropriate rebuke for the misbehavior. Then, when they least expect it, scoop them up and GET PHYSICAL. If they are still little, throw them in the air. Drop them roughly on the couch and tickle them firmly. Chase them to another room. Crawl with them like an animal. If they are older, start wrestling with them. Knock them gently to the ground and get on their level. Have a "who can punch the hardest" contest (prepare to lose, lol). </div>
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EVERY time I use this technique, it helps my boys have a more respectful attitude towards me. It's as if I'm speaking their language and THEY LOVE IT. </div>
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Now, I realize that for some mamas, this technique comes natural. But for others, who might struggle with a little more authoritarian, no-nonsense attitude with their children, this technique takes <strong>purposeful thought and planning. </strong>I know for me, with my older boys (who are getting too big to hold, rock, or snuggle comfortably), I have to <strong>REMEMBER </strong>to give them that physical interaction they crave. </div>
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If you've not been <strong>physical </strong>with your boys lately, pull this tool out of your <a href="http://www.bergeybunch.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-7-toolbox-approach.html" target="_blank">Parenting Toolbox</a> and try it today! </div>
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*Speaking for myself, after two very long days riding in the van to get from Illinois to South Carolina for our meetings this weekend, I see a game of tag with my little boys in my very near future. :) </div>
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Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-7021525146709585712014-09-20T18:07:00.003-07:002014-09-20T18:07:57.288-07:00One Month Old<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You are one month old already. <br />
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You are staying awake a little more each week---oh, how we love your bright eyes!<br />
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You've gained 3 whole pounds since you were born! You love to nurse and are following in your 3 brother's footsteps and gaining quickly. :)<br />
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Your favorite place to sleep is on Mommy. In a pinch, Sissy or Daddy will do. :) Thankfully, you do like your carseat--a blessing for all of the traveling in your future. <br />
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Happy One Month Birthday, Titus Alexander! You are loved, so so much. :)<br />
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Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-71992585096419793452014-08-30T15:10:00.001-07:002014-08-30T16:00:46.635-07:00Birth Story: Titus Alexander Bergey, August 17, 2014<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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*Disclaimer: While the photos on this post are tasteful and not graphic, it IS a birth story. Male readers may wish to skip the details. :)</div>
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While this was a pretty uneventful pregnancy, I struggled from the very beginning with <strong>fear</strong>.</div>
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Fear that I would miscarry.</div>
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Fear that my baby would die in the womb.</div>
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And towards the end of the pregnancy, <em>fear that he would die during the birth. </em></div>
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I distinctly remember the first time I gave my precious baby back to the Lord. I KNEW He was in control, no matter the outcome, but I found myself having to repetitively rest in His wisdom. </div>
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I think part of the fear came from just being SO very excited to experience pregnancy, birth, and a nursing newborn again. It seemed too good to be true so I thought perhaps it WAS too good to be true.</div>
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Regardless, as I neared the end of the pregnancy, I talked with my midwife about some of my fears. I have a history of big babies (largest one was 10 lbs, 12 oz) and I also tend to not go into labor on my own without a little "nudge". I was worried that I would go past my due date and have a huge baby (more of that fear, I guess). </div>
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I experienced real contractions for the first time at 38 weeks. I knew I was in "early" labor, but didn't want to get to the hospital at the END of labor, when I can't walk. LOL</div>
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I was dilated to 4cm, having good contractions, but baby was in a posterior position, which the midwife checked several times, and she wasn't comfortable intervening at all because of the position of his head. "Funny angle", she called it. </div>
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I trust her, so I went home with strong contractions, went to bed, and woke up with <em>nothing. </em></div>
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Disappointing to say the least. :) The next week was very uncomfortable for me. It was as if the early labor had triggered hormones in my body and I was <em>grumpy and miserable. </em>:) I was in a lot of discomfort and started to feel like the baby was getting big (my guess was 9 lbs) and that he needed to come pretty SOON. </div>
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At my 39 week visit, the midwife spent quite a bit of time checking baby's position again. She felt like he might be in a better position than the week before (little did we know!). She said if I started having regular contractions again, to call her and come in.</div>
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The next day I started having very mild contractions around 5 pm. They kept coming, though, and I was so hopeful that baby would come soon. I called the midwife and she said to come in whenever I wanted to.</div>
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I got to the hospital around 7, and she came to check me around 8. I was having contractions, but they were so mild that I was worried I was still at a 4 and would be sent home AGAIN. </div>
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Nope, not heading home. I was 7 cm! The midwife was able to break my water but said baby was still pretty high. </div>
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I changed into my nightgown, called Lauren (my photographer and sweet sister) to come to the hospital, and started walking the baby down. I LOVE to walk during my labors. There's just something about the distraction of walking, swaying, leaning, moving that helps me relax. </div>
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Here I am at 9 pm, still comfortable and enjoying having Ellie's company. This was her first birth experience and she did AMAZING. </div>
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Every time I walked in or out of the room, I had to stop and touch the baby warmer. Just reminding myself that there would be a <em>baby </em>in there soon helped me stay focused. </div>
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From 9 pm to midnight, I mostly just walked the halls. The contractions were manageable and except for lower back pain, I felt GREAT. I was enjoying the fact that I was so far along and yet so very comfortable---but as the night wore on, I started to think, "Why am I not feeling this baby move down? Why is this still so <em>easy</em>?" </div>
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Brent, Ellie, Lauren, and the midwife kept my mind off of those worries for the most part. We talked, laughed, walked, laughed, squatted, and laughed some more. :) I felt such peace and joy at having these special people joining in the birth of my son. </div>
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Those of you who know my husband, know that he is a funny guy. :) Here he is, mocking me, with Ellie's help. I realize some women wouldn't want any joking during their labor, but Brent is very sensitive as to when/where/how to joke or STOP. At this point, it was a lovely distraction for me. :)</div>
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Around midnight, I started getting tired. The contractions didn't seem to be getting much stronger or closer together.....the midwife thought I might be the first woman to birth a baby in the hallway :), but I knew he wasn't moving down the way he should. </div>
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Brent suggested I get checked, but I was nervous that I hadn't made any progress, so I kept saying NO. </div>
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Finally, I agreed to a cervical check. </div>
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I was complete. </div>
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10 CM.</div>
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But the midwife checked me for a L-O-N-G time. I could tell his little head was still pretty high. She finally said, "He's still posterior. And his head is turned in a very unusual way." I wanted to know WHAT this meant and HOW to fix it. She calmly suggested some new positioning to try to bring him down. </div>
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I'm so thankful now that she didn't tell me what she REALLY was thinking----that this baby may not descend and we may be headed for a C-section. I would have panicked and not been able to think straight if SHE had seemed stressed. She had such a quiet, calm demeanor and she passed on that calmness to me. </div>
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First I tried sitting backwards on the toilet. Very painful, but I was looking to my midwife for direction. "Just a few contractions like this." she encouraged me. I was starting to quietly vocalize to stay on top of the contractions at this point. </div>
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It was 1 am.</div>
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For the next hour, I tried several positions in an attempt to bring the baby down so I could push. </div>
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I prefer to NOT be on the hospital bed at all, unless I'm pushing a baby out :), because it is just SO uncomfortable to not be able to move. So when the midwife suggested I try lying on my side <strong>in the bed</strong>, I was thinking, "Um, no. How about I go labor in the TUB instead?" </div>
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But I knew she was right. On my side I went. </div>
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The pain skyrocketed. After just a few contractions in this oh-so-painful position, I said, "Oh! I feel him coming down!" </div>
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I rolled over and she checked me again. She was still very calm---but not very reassuring that it was indeed time to <strong>push.</strong> (I know now that she was still worried, but again, she didn't show that to me at the time.)</div>
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It was around 2 am at this point, and I was on my back and in immense pain because of that fact. </div>
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I didn't know if I should get up and walk or if it was time to push. </div>
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Then the room filled with all of the "you're about to have a baby" staff. I could see everything being prepared, yet with the midwife seeming unsure, I was nervous.</div>
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"Oh, I think you're all lying to me and he's not coming soon." I wimpered. </div>
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The midwife kept saying, "Let's take it slow and let your body do the work."</div>
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And I was thinking, "<strong>YOU</strong> take it slow. I'm ready to be done." :) (I kept that comment to myself though.)</div>
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I pushed for 17 minutes. Slowly I felt him slide down. My last two births, I pushed them out with 2 pushes, so it felt like this was taking forever. </div>
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"Careful, slowly, let everything stretch." the midwife encouraged me. When she could see part of his head, she said, "OH, he's completely bald. Not a bit of hair!" </div>
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We had no idea that it was his FOREHEAD presenting. Normally, babies are born facing DOWN, with their backs against their mama's tummy. Occiput posterior babies are facing up, with their spine against mama's spine. (Hence the back pain.)</div>
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This baby was face up AND coming forehead first. The back/top of the head is the most moldable and usually the presenting part, and the majority of forehead presenting babies are <em>not able to be birthed vaginally.</em> A fact I'm glad I didn't know at the time. :)</div>
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I still felt him coming down, though, and I asked (begged?) her---"Can I just push him out now??" </div>
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Gently, (and extremely painfully, I might add) his head came out. </div>
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I gave another push, expecting the ripple feeling of the shoulders and body, but nothing moved. If anything, it felt like his head went back IN a little, instead of coming OUT when I pushed. I looked up at the midwife and she was calmly saying, "Call NOW."</div>
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The red cord, the emergency cord, the "I hope we never have to pull that cord because something BAD is happening if we do" cord---was pulled. </div>
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They dropped the bed down completely flat. </div>
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I had been watching the birth in a mirror, and I instantly KNEW.</div>
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<strong>He was stuck.</strong></div>
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Shoulder dystocia is the fancy description of a baby that gets his shoulder wedged in the pelvic bone. Because his head is already out of the womb, his cord is compressed (and in this case, wrapped around him as well) and he immediately begins to lose oxygen. He can't take a breath, but the cord can't supply him with oxygen either.</div>
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Three minutes.</div>
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The midwife told me later that they have THREE MINUTES to birth a SD baby before they are at risk of brain damage or death.</div>
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The seconds felt like HOURS. All those fears I had experienced during the pregnancy flooded my heart and I thought to myself, "He's dying. My baby is dying. I have to push him out NOW."</div>
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They put my legs in the air to open the pelvis, and the nurse pushed down on my stomach while the midwife reached inside me and released my baby's arm. </div>
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I closed my eyes and pushed with everything I had. </div>
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And when I opened my eyes, he was laying on my chest. </div>
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"Is he okay? Is he okay?" I kept repeating it. I looked at everyone in the room for reassurance.</div>
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The midwife smiled and said, "Stop looking at ME and look at your BABY!" :)</div>
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He was perfect. Blue at first, and bruised, but perfectly formed in the image of GOD. </div>
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I turned to Brent and whispered, "I thought he was going to die." </div>
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"I know." he answered. "But he didn't. And he's here. And you did amazing." </div>
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Then I realized that Ellie, my sweet Ellie, had been in the room the whole time. I vaguely remember her backing into the corner when the midwife called for help. </div>
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"Are you okay?" I asked her. </div>
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"Oh, Mommy, I was so scared!" She began to cry a little, then reached out and touched her brother's hand.</div>
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"Me too." I whispered. "But he's here and he's okay now."</div>
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"I did it. It's over. That was terrifying. He's alive." These were the thoughts that kept running through my head. </div>
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After a couple of minutes, I looked down at my baby and I was instantly and gloriously in love. :)</div>
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This is my favorite picture from the birth. It captures all of the emotions perfectly.</div>
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I birthed the placenta, and the midwife quietly said, "Your placenta looks old, like it was starting to deteriorate. It's a good thing you had this baby NOW."</div>
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My mind thought for a minute, how different the outcome could have been, had I gone another week or two.....he would have been bigger and.....oh, I can't think about that.</div>
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Instead, I'm overwhelmingly THANKFUL.</div>
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For my husband, who supported me so gently and completely.</div>
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For my sister, who not only encouraged me, but also took such beautiful pictures to document the birth. </div>
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For my daughter, who got to experience the wonder and glory of a newborn's birth.</div>
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And for my midwife, who, with her quick thinking and calm personality, saved my baby's life. </div>
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Welcome to the Bergey Bunch, Titus Alexander. All 8 lbs, 13.6 ounces of you. </div>
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Ah, yes---I forgot to mention---he does indeed have HAIR. Gorgeous, soft, <em>wispy blonde hair</em>.</div>
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Just not on his forehead. :) </div>
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To read Lauren's view of the labor and birth (and to see lots and lots of awesome photograpy!), click <a href="http://www.livingwithhisjoy.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">HERE</a>.</div>
Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-81140404625519620562014-08-29T09:24:00.001-07:002014-08-29T09:24:57.465-07:00New Baby for the Bergey Bunch<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Last December, (right when I DISAPPEARED from the blogging world.....I truly love blogging, and I have a million posts I'm dying to share, but this past year has been spent LIVING, with very little time to write about that LIVING! ), we found out we were expecting our 8th child.</div>
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We had prayed for years that the Lord would bless us with another biological blessing, but we were SO busy with the adoptions, and then ministry, that we thought perhaps the Lord was saying "no". </div>
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But, on a rainy December morning, while Brent was hooking up the trailer for a day of traveling, I saw *two purple lines* on a pregnancy test and our already crazy life became <em>just a little bit <strong>crazier. </strong></em></div>
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To say the entire family was EXCITED is an <em>understatement.</em> :) </div>
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We celebrated this precious baby the ENTIRE nine months of pregnancy. It was like our long-awaited first-born all over again, only a little bit better for Brent and I because we <em>knew </em>how amazing a new little life is. I struggled with morning sickness for about 17 weeks (compounded by our full-time travel....car sickness plus morning sickness is M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E!) but the rest of the pregnancy was FABULOUS!</div>
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At our 20 week ultrasound, we discovered that I was pregnant with another BOY. </div>
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Four girls and four boys. How perfect is that? </div>
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My sister Lauren and my mom threw an amazing shower for little boy and me. Since we sold EVERYTHING we owned last summer, I was truly starting over with this little guy. I was blessed with so many little God-specific answers to prayer! Little boy Bergey was well-provided for and well-loved already. :)<br />
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My mom made 3 cakes for the shower! Yummy!<br />
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One of the <strong>highlights </strong>of this pregnancy was doing a Maternity Photo Shoot with my sister/photographer<a href="http://www.livingwithhisjoy.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"> Lauren</a>. She takes amazing pictures and without her, I wouldn't have so many incredible pictures from this baby's pregnancy/birth. I've never had nice pregnancy pictures (who feels pretty when they're big pregnant, lol?) so this is such a treat for me. :)<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><u>37 Weeks Pregnant with Baby Boy Bergey</u></span><br />
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Next post---Baby's birth! Stay tuned! Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-51648910215584231942013-11-24T20:21:00.000-08:002013-11-24T20:21:32.304-08:00Embracing Boyhood: Finding Joy in Little BoysWe are blessed with four <strong>girls.</strong> Dramatic, gentle, quiet, nurturing, self-controlled, calm <strong>girls.</strong><br />
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We also have three <strong>boys.</strong> Rambunctious, curious, destructive, loud, busy little <strong>boys.</strong><br />
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When our first son was born, <em>I didn't realize that <strong>boys were wired SO differently than girls. </strong></em><br />
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At only eight weeks old, he would awake from a sound sleep with a grin on his face and his little feet <em>kicking rapidly. </em><br />
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He was loud. And silly. And wild. He was amazingly imaginative--<strong>all.day.long.</strong><br />
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When he started walking, he wasn't content with coloring or looking at books like his sister. <br />
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Instead, he stuck his hand in toilets. <br />
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He climbed up <em>on the kitchen table.</em><br />
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He jumped off <strong>anything </strong>and <strong>everything. </strong><br />
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<strong>He played BIG and loved BIG and the only time he was STILL was when he was asleep.</strong><br />
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I remember the first time I tried <em>doing "school" with him. </em>He had just turned <strong>two years old</strong> so I put him in his high chair and gave him a coloring page and a handful of crayons. <br />
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I told him to color, then turned to my four year old and got her started with her schoolwork. <br />
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By the time I turned back around, he had <em>broken </em>all five crayons and dropped them all <em>on the floor, one by one, </em>and was watching them roll away. <br />
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"All done, Mommy!" he exclaimed, with his hands out-stretched and waiting.<br />
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I sighed. <br />
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(You mamas of busy boys know <em>exactly what I'm talking about, </em>don't you?)<br />
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<em>I had my first lesson about little boys that day. And while I'm still learning, today I wanted to share a few of the lessons I've learned since then.</em><br />
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<strong><u>How to Find Joy in Little Boys:</u></strong><br />
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<strong><u>1. Embrace the Difference.</u></strong><br />
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It's easy to look at your little *boy* and compare him with your friend's little *girl*, and wonder <em>what am I doing WRONG? Look at how docile she is! </em>Her little girl will be content to sit and play with a bucket and shovel in the sand for <em>an hour</em> while your little boy is throwing the sand (<em>to make a windstorm, Mommy!), </em>jumping off the side of the sandbox (<em>I'm flying, Mommy!)</em>, and running off a hundred times <em>in the first ten minutes </em>of the play date. <br />
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You just can't compare boys with girls. Their entire physical, emotional, and educational make-up is <strong>different.</strong> God made them that way---so DON'T compare.<br />
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We mothers are GIRLS and so we often don't <em>understand </em>the way our boys think. It's unfair to expect them to <em>act like little girls</em> when they are wired so very differently. <br />
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After church one Wednesday night, when Nathaniel was four, his teacher approached me. <br />
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"Nathaniel said he doesn't want to color in class." <br />
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"I know. He doesn't like to color at home either."<br />
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"But he says it <em>hurts his hand to hold the crayon that long.</em> I think he's lying and you should deal with it. He needs to learn to color." <br />
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"Well, I will talk to him about it. But he isn't lying. He really, really has a hard time coloring for a long time." <br />
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I was tempted to come down hard on my little guy after this conversation. But then I realized something. This teacher was comparing my little guy to the only other child in her class--a GIRL who LOVED to color and did so elaborately. My little guy had many strengths, but coloring just wasn't one of them. :) Don't compare boys to girls. Let them be different. It's okay.<br />
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<strong><u>2. Embrace the Energy.</u></strong><br />
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We have three boys (ages 9, 6, and 4 right now). Just <strong>one</strong> of my boys has more energy than <em>all four of my girls put together. </em><br />
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If I fight this fact, and expect them to sit all day, docile and quiet, I frustrate both <em>myself </em>and <em>them. :) </em><br />
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Every single day, these precious little boys awake with a seemingly <em>endless supply </em>of energy.<br />
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If you can learn to laugh at their antics, redirect their rough play ("Balls are for throwing OUTSIDE. Here are your shoes."), and engage their energy in creative ways, you will find such <strong>JOY</strong>! <br />
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*Be a Mama Bear and get down on the floor and <strong>TACKLE</strong> your Baby Bear. <br />
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*Surprise your little boy by grabbing his hand and <strong>jumping</strong> with him across the parking lot.<br />
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*Have him <strong>stand </strong>to do his homework,<strong> run</strong> to his room, and <strong>crawl</strong> to the kitchen table. <br />
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*Let him "<strong>race</strong>" to complete every task. "How fast can you pick up all of these Legos? Ready, set, GO!" <br />
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The next time you find yourself <em>frustrated at your little boy's energy level, </em>think outside-the-box for a way to exercise that <strong>energy</strong> in creative ways. <br />
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<strong><u>3.Embrace the Opportunity to Train .</u></strong><br />
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Sometimes parenting a child brings you to a point of <em>frustration.</em><br />
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My husband and I always say that there are <strong>two options for frustrated parents. </strong><br />
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*One--<strong>lower</strong> or <strong>change</strong> your expectations so the child can meet with your <strong>joyful</strong> approval.<br />
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*Two--<strong>train </strong>more efficiently for the desired behavior. <br />
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Yes, little boys are different than little girls. Yes, they are full of life and energy and we need to be understanding and creative in our interactions with them. <br />
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<strong>BUT--they are NOT un-trainable! </strong>They absolutely CAN learn self-control, gain a quiet spirit, and be obedient! <br />
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My boys LOVE to play "rough", to sword-fight with sticks, to chase the girls, and to wiggle through their schoolwork. :) But all three of them were sitting <em>quietly </em>through multiple church services at a year old. All three of them would <em>stay </em>on their <em>blanket time for thirty minutes </em>by a year old. These may not be goals you have for your little boys, and that's okay---each family has different goals, expectations, and experiences.<br />
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But <strong>every</strong> little boy<strong> </strong>can begin to be taught how to channel all of that energy into appropriate behavior. <br />
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Now, my boys are not quiet little robots by any means. :) When I take them all <em>shopping </em>they get antsy and sometimes very foolish. :) They are still a glorious <em>work-in-progress</em>.<br />
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Aren't we all? :)<br />
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I have found the key to <em>not being frustrated </em>is by setting the goal HIGH but working towards that goal with <em>baby steps. </em><br />
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If he can't sit still for an hour, try 10 minute increments. If he is has too much energy to focus for three hours on his schoolwork, try shorter bursts of time with a lot of physical activity mixed in. Give lots of praise and tiny rewards when he gains skills that <em>don't come easy to him. Stay positive.</em><br />
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<strong>Appreciate the fact that your little boy's most annoying qualities will most likely be what drives him to be a successful man someday. </strong><br />
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Let me give you an example. Remember my two-year-old-crayon-breaker/thrower? He still doesn't <em>love to color. </em>But he will read (without moving or getting distracted!) for over an hour now. He will RUN to accomplish any little task for Mommy. He is by far my most <em>nurturing, protective, tender </em>little soul. He is still loud. He is still busy and energetic. But he is learning to turn that energy into productivity. <br />
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That early riser who never seems to need sleep? <em>He's going to jump out of bed to go to work each morning with a smile. </em><br />
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That energizer bunny? <em>He's going to work circles around his laid-back college friends. </em><br />
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That loud, embarrassing, over-the-top little guy? <em>He might be a preacher, unafraid of what people think, willing to speak the truth at all costs.</em><br />
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That curious, take-everything-apart, destroyer? <em>He just might change the world with his inventions.</em><br />
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<strong>Perspective is EVERYTHING. Embrace your little boys for who they are--and who they will become. </strong><br />
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Set goals for your little boys. Help them learn to focus, to complete tasks in a timely manner, to stay quiet when necessary. But don't just EXPECT them to obey---TEACH them how to do it.<br />
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Little by little, one baby step at a time. :)<br />
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<em>When I began parenting BOYS, I was frequently frustrated. I wanted quiet, still little angels and was shocked at boyish behavior. Thankfully, the Lord worked in my heart, gentling me toward these sweet little men. Now I wouldn't trade my busy boys for all the "quiet" in the world. :)</em><br />
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<strong>Embrace Boyhood--and you will find such JOY in little boys! </strong><br />
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<em></em><br />Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-60450940073841946622013-11-23T11:52:00.003-08:002013-11-23T15:37:42.553-08:00Long Overdue Update<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It's been WAY too long since I've done a plain old regular update on our family. I will use the common excuse--<em>life has been crazy-busy--</em>and it is, in fact, true. :) I really <em>really </em>desire to write so much more than I actually do. But then I get behind, and instead of just posting in short little bursts, I just stop altogether for awhile. I appreciate the emails and messages when I've been absent for a time! </div>
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I'm including a bunch of more recent pictures in today's post, just for fun. :)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TS_TYPK4p04/UpD7j8qo3wI/AAAAAAAACEU/iXfkisJUZVo/s1600/IMG_0548.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TS_TYPK4p04/UpD7j8qo3wI/AAAAAAAACEU/iXfkisJUZVo/s400/IMG_0548.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">--At the Zoo!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yOjiZR7uXC8/UpD7jLG4asI/AAAAAAAACEQ/T-Fp0cpgC1s/s1600/IMG_0567.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yOjiZR7uXC8/UpD7jLG4asI/AAAAAAAACEQ/T-Fp0cpgC1s/s400/IMG_0567.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">--Seven at the zoo</td></tr>
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We have been in full-time ministry for six months now. We sold EVERYTHING in our home and moved into a 35 foot travel trailer.<br />
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Yes, that means all <em>nine </em>of us are in a very tiny space, all of the time. :)<br />
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Maybe the next post will show how we live now. I have grown to <strong>love </strong>our life in the trailer! The adjustment hasn't always been <em>easy </em>but God has been so so faithful to give me the strength to face such a huge change. He is good! <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bnucde_3V4M/UpD7j4ci18I/AAAAAAAACEY/YU8Ct0B_uIU/s1600/IMG_0569.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bnucde_3V4M/UpD7j4ci18I/AAAAAAAACEY/YU8Ct0B_uIU/s400/IMG_0569.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">--Brent and Alyssia </td></tr>
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Our 15 passenger van has seen over 25,000 new miles since June. Every week we present our ministry (<a href="http://www.littlefishministries.org/" target="_blank">Little Fish Ministries</a>) to new churches. Our hearts are in South Africa <strong>now</strong> but we know this time is vital to raise prayer and financial support. <br />
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<em>Please pray that we can raise our support quickly and that we will have many partners for our South African orphan ministry! </em><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DBYhv4yB7WU/UpD7lVkHqKI/AAAAAAAACEg/Pe-4x_ZevVk/s1600/IMG_0578.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DBYhv4yB7WU/UpD7lVkHqKI/AAAAAAAACEg/Pe-4x_ZevVk/s400/IMG_0578.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---A picture of the three of us for Alyssia's yearly report to China</td></tr>
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The children have adjusted well to our lifestyle change. Johanna struggled at first (which we expected) but she has settled in nicely now. I know I've posted a bit about the huge challenges we faced at the beginning of Johanna's journey. I will be honest and say that it was <strong>very </strong>hard at times. We stuck to what we know to be true----that God would give us strength and wisdom to parent this child He had so clearly called us to----and I am so happy to share that things are MUCH better now. The skills we have learned as we have followed the Lord down this <em>unknown path </em>have better equipped us for future ministry.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hTnqFeAA8GY/UpD8HTy_5NI/AAAAAAAACF0/Q2BdGOocmg4/s1600/IMG_0563.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hTnqFeAA8GY/UpD8HTy_5NI/AAAAAAAACF0/Q2BdGOocmg4/s400/IMG_0563.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Johanna (16) :)</td></tr>
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<strong>EVERY </strong>child is a treasure and deserves to be loved and nurtured. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9YxKWuTtKUM/UpD7wMSZ_gI/AAAAAAAACFA/2aEoYTSYFs8/s1600/IMG_0496.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9YxKWuTtKUM/UpD7wMSZ_gI/AAAAAAAACFA/2aEoYTSYFs8/s400/IMG_0496.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">--From preemie to "big girl", Gabriella</td></tr>
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Our tiniest treasure is finally growing! Gabbey is over 25 lbs now. She has turned into quite the little social butterfly, too. :)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Epjp1hlKdHA/UpD7nntZEaI/AAAAAAAACEk/jGscvzseG0s/s1600/IMG_0582.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Epjp1hlKdHA/UpD7nntZEaI/AAAAAAAACEk/jGscvzseG0s/s400/IMG_0582.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Eliana, 11, going on 16 :) She has grown many inches this year!</td></tr>
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My Ellie is growing into a lovely young lady. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I'm thankful for the blessing of older daughters to share in the joys (and work! lol) of our family <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jYXqHFhqtPk/UpD7ntJpLEI/AAAAAAAACEo/HtiNFMBdyX8/s1600/IMG_0584.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jYXqHFhqtPk/UpD7ntJpLEI/AAAAAAAACEo/HtiNFMBdyX8/s400/IMG_0584.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Fun at Daddy's expense :)</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-puQ4rtIWpCI/UpD7zev-7JI/AAAAAAAACFY/_TOKhdpzSJw/s1600/IMG_0530.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-puQ4rtIWpCI/UpD7zev-7JI/AAAAAAAACFY/_TOKhdpzSJw/s400/IMG_0530.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Say CHEESE! (See how tall Eliana is now?)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mmtHP6XT9ZM/UpD8HtxR8OI/AAAAAAAACFw/Z_frngFzfuM/s1600/IMG_0485.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mmtHP6XT9ZM/UpD8HtxR8OI/AAAAAAAACFw/Z_frngFzfuM/s400/IMG_0485.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">--Ellie and her sweet friend, Emily </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TZQrYvABubY/UpED5aLWVXI/AAAAAAAACGI/eiyh_LIXP0k/s1600/IMG_0537.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TZQrYvABubY/UpED5aLWVXI/AAAAAAAACGI/eiyh_LIXP0k/s400/IMG_0537.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">--Noah, 6</td></tr>
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Noah. Sweet little middle child. He is such a cuddlebug. I love watching him learn to enjoy school. He is in the tooth-losing-stage and always seems to have a tooth <em>coming or going.</em><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VlU0m2nVh00/UpED5dE10KI/AAAAAAAACGE/Q3vzY17bpcA/s1600/IMG_0545.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VlU0m2nVh00/UpED5dE10KI/AAAAAAAACGE/Q3vzY17bpcA/s400/IMG_0545.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Nathaniel, 9, my young man<br />
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Nathaniel was such a busy, curious toddler/preschooler. He and Ethan are my energizer boys. :) If there is something to climb, hit, tackle, or cross, they are GOING to do it. No fear. I love the way Nathaniel is maturing into a little young man. He LOVES LOVES babies and is incredibly gentle and good with them. This past few months, Nathaniel has discovered the world of BOOKS and is loving reading every day.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LyNyOLu1mFI/UpD7wk3lg9I/AAAAAAAACE8/uh3OBrwRymY/s1600/IMG_0491.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LyNyOLu1mFI/UpD7wk3lg9I/AAAAAAAACE8/uh3OBrwRymY/s400/IMG_0491.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Ethan is FOUR now!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oVBDfQuvwOo/UpD7wOgGC_I/AAAAAAAACE4/jGdm_a8fhYY/s1600/IMG_0505.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oVBDfQuvwOo/UpD7wOgGC_I/AAAAAAAACE4/jGdm_a8fhYY/s400/IMG_0505.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Gabbey and Lyssie are both FOUR now, too!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ykegLvA6-nc/UpD7xtdH1ZI/AAAAAAAACFE/jvia8Ei7ju4/s1600/IMG_0515.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ykegLvA6-nc/UpD7xtdH1ZI/AAAAAAAACFE/jvia8Ei7ju4/s400/IMG_0515.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Birthday books from cousin Ruy!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UPhz0C1Jt4M/UpD7yU6ydUI/AAAAAAAACFQ/Pn0jg1ViFus/s1600/IMG_0527.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UPhz0C1Jt4M/UpD7yU6ydUI/AAAAAAAACFQ/Pn0jg1ViFus/s400/IMG_0527.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Chinese baby dolls from Nana and Grandad for their birthday (my parents)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f7sVY2XCpkY/UpD7ztrEqGI/AAAAAAAACFc/a8pL6MM_qys/s1600/IMG_0529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f7sVY2XCpkY/UpD7ztrEqGI/AAAAAAAACFc/a8pL6MM_qys/s400/IMG_0529.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">---Not babies anymore! My "big" girls.</td></tr>
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My "babies" are all four now. :) This <em>should </em>mean more "free time" for Mama, but with our ministry change and life-on-the-road, all of that "extra"?? time seems to be accounted for. There are no more diaper bags or strollers (for now anyway) and we are enjoying the sweet blending of our adopted/biological family. If you remember, we adopted all three girls in just 9 months and that change took a little adjusting time. Now it feels as if we were all <em>always together</em> and we are embracing the new opportunities the Lord is bringing our way. <br />
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Remember, I blog over at <a href="http://www.littlefishministries.org/" target="_blank">Little Fish Ministries</a>, too, as time allows. I'd love for you to follow me over there! <br />
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Thank you for your patience with my <em>infrequent </em>blog posts. If <em>heart's intent </em>were allowed, I'd have thousands of posts by now. <br />
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<em>They're just all written in my head for now. :)</em><br />
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Hugs, <br />
SelinaSelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-71635498843840824172013-08-17T20:34:00.002-07:002013-08-19T18:51:02.977-07:0010 Things You Wish You Knew About Adopting An Older Child1. You will fall in love with a<strong> picture</strong> and a child <em>a world away</em>, and you will lay awake at night, thinking of this child and wondering about the days, months, years that you have missed. You'll wonder if you will ever truly be "Mommy" and if your love will fill the void of an empty heart. An ache will fill you down deep in your soul and it will become your necessary <strong>strength </strong>for this journey.<br />
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2. You will try to share this crazy, incredible adoption experience with your closest friends and loved ones and find their <em>blank stares </em>and "Are you completely crazy?" comments unnerving. They won't get it, and that's okay, because you <em>know in your soul that you are this child's <strong>mother </strong></em>and you will give up trying to explain it to everyone. <br />
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3. Your <strong>"Gotcha Day"</strong> might not be filled with cute pictures <em>you can't wait to post on the internet </em>of you and your new child<em>.</em> In fact, the hand-over will be quick, the paperwork a blur, the guide will pat your back and say, "See you tomorrow!" and you will find yourself in a quiet hotel room, alone, with a child whom you <em>loved from afar </em>but cannot even begin to communicate with. The newness and shock will wear off within a day or two and then <strong>reality </strong>will set in, for both you AND your child, and your world will start spinning with thoughts of "what have we done?" and "can we DO this?" and <em>their</em> world will be spinning with thoughts of "I'm scared!" and "I want to go back to the orphanage!" and even if you<strong><u> know</u></strong> this is <em>for the very best </em>you will both be struggling under the weight of the UNKNOWN yet to come. You will lie awake at night with a stranger in the room and hope you haven't just <em>made the biggest mistake of your life. </em>You will long for your other children, for home, for sights, smells, and sounds that are familiar---knowing all the while your child is <strong>losing </strong>exactly what you miss.<br />
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4. You will get home and things will settle down a bit. You still can't communicate much, but charades and Google Translate and baby talk will work for a while. The jet lag will just about kill you, but once that wears off, the <strong>honeymoon </strong>will begin. Your husband and other children, your friends, and your family will lavish attention on the new child, and you will breathe a sigh of relief. <em>This may actually work after all! </em>The smiles, the giggles, the joyful, abandoned way your child embraces new experiences will delight you and encourage you. You will stress over schoolwork and foods for awhile, then shortly come to the realization that <em>there are far more important things to be learned.</em><br />
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5. You will be shocked by this child's immaturity. No matter how old their paperwork says they are, in reality they are more like a toddler. So you have to start with toddler basics---things like: sit quietly at the table, don't wipe your snot on your shirt, don't throw yourself on the floor when I tell you "no". And you will begin the long process <em>of repeating yourself</em>, daily. Some new behaviors will be learned quickly---but other ones will take every.last.drop. of energy you ever possessed. You will have to teach your child how to snuggle, how to seek comfort, how to <em>need people</em>, how to read their body signals, how to do <em>just about every last thing. </em>You will cease to stress over schoolwork and such and will learn to appreciate little victories---like the first time you take your child to the store and they don't crawl under the clothing racks or run around in loud circles. Or the first time they fall and get hurt and run TO you instead of AWAY from you. You'll capture the first unsolicited kiss or hug and the first "I love you" and keep the memory and sweetness of it tucked away for the next exhausting day. <br />
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6. The honeymoon will eventually wear off completely, and your child will begin to <strong>grieve </strong>and <strong>rage </strong>heavily. The immensity of the loss ("Why my China mommy not keep me? Why you not adopt me when I a baby??? Why I not see my friends in China anymore?") combined with the inability to process their feelings in a healthy way---and the language barrier---will send the child almost completely over the edge. The mourning process may be quick but it may be lengthy and you will be dealing with hours and hours of crying, screaming, raging, defiance, or running away. This child who <em>never learned to obey </em>will defy you at every turn. You will need to help this child all.day.long. yet will feel the guilt of not being able to meet the needs of <em>everyone who needs you</em> simultaneously. The new child "needs" the most so the other family members must take second place for a time. And your guilt continues. You will, out of complete necessity, pull back from EVERYTHING else in your life. <br />
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7. You will keep the "bad days" to yourself, far more than you should, simply because you <em>want this to work </em>and <em>you know you're right smack in the center of God's will </em>and you don't want to hear the "I told you so's" from the crowd of dissenters. You will fear <em>scaring off potential adoptive families if you tell the truth about </em><strong>how very hard this is. </strong>You will find your entire world is turned upside down for a while, and you will wonder <em>if life will ever return to normal. </em>The house you used to keep spotless will become messy, the children you used to have well-trained will begin to struggle, and you will find every aspect of your life in fragile disarray.<br />
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8. Your other children will "love" this child, then hate this child, then learn to <strong>truly </strong>love this child. This process will rip your entire heart right out of your body, yet it will teach <em>all of you </em>about Jesus' love. You will turn into a full-time counselor, guiding precious little hearts towards <em>choosing love </em>and <em>forgiveness. </em>YOU can take just about anything, but when your other children come to you and express their honest thoughts and struggles over this new child, you will come very close to wanting to disrupt, to start over, to go back to the <em>safety of your "old" comfort circle. </em>You will need other adoptive friends who can encourage and equip you to carry on when the going gets tough.<br />
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9. You will choose to continue on this journey, not because <strong>it is easy</strong>, but because it is <strong>good and right and necessary </strong>for healing. You will hold the raging child for hours and hours, you will redo and script and discipline and train and repeat yourself until you think you're going to lose your mind. You will snuggle this child when it makes your skin crawl, you will love this child even though you don't even <em>like them </em>some days, you will drop into bed drop-dead exhausted---and then you will get up again the next day and do it all over again, because you <strong>are committed to helping this child blossom. </strong>You will not rely on your feelings, because they will be <em>all over the stinkin' place </em>at times, but you WILL rely on your husband, your faith, and your unwavering commitment to parent this precious child. You will dig down deep and plow ahead, KNOWING the rewards will be worth it.<br />
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10. You will wake up one morning and realize that <em>you've both made it through the dark valley</em> and you're finally on somewhat even ground. Your child will brush their teeth without being told, will use a napkin and manners at the table. They will not whine, cry, quit, or cheat at their schoolwork. They will seek out affection and receive it willingly. You will smile as your children play together nicely and whisper sweet secrets in the dark at bedtime. You will listen and weep as your child finally opens up about their past, the abuse, and the heart of why they are who they are. You will take a breath and realize that <em>you no longer love the image of this child</em>--you truly <strong>love them. </strong>And you will find that your child is not the only one who has <strong>grown </strong>during this journey---you will not be the same person as before. You will be better. You will have no regrets as you realize you would gladly <em>do it all over again</em> to get to TODAY. Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-71898697769330291072013-06-29T11:06:00.000-07:002013-06-29T11:06:00.264-07:00Announcing: Little Fish MinistriesPlease forgive my extended absence from posting. I wish I could always balance family, ministry responsibilities AND active blogging, but the truth is, I can't. :) Sometimes one must take precedence over the other and such was the case for the past few months.<br />
<br />
HOWEVER! :) <br />
<br />
I am thrilled to <em>finally </em>be able to announce that God has called our family to be <strong>missionaries </strong>to the <strong><u>orphans </u></strong>of South Africa! After several months of preparation, we are now traveling full-time, presenting our ministry to churches and raising <strong>financial support </strong>for our family.<br />
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Click <a href="http://www.littlefishministries.org/" target="_blank">HERE</a> to view our brand-new <strong>ministry website</strong>---Little Fish Ministries. You can read all about our vision for LFM, <em>the story behind the name, </em>FAQ's, and much, much more! If for no other reason, visit our new site <em>just to view our ministry video</em>. Our sweet Johanna (adopted 2 years ago, at age 14) shares her story <em>in her own words</em>---and you do <strong>not </strong>want to miss it! I still cry every time I watch it.<br />
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I will be <strong>blogging over at </strong><a href="http://littlefishministries.org/blog-2/" target="_blank"><strong>Little Fish Ministries </strong></a>on a regular basis about our life <em>on the road </em>and our <em>ministry updates. </em>If you're curious as to <em>how we're going to travel full-time with seven children, </em>follow the LFM blog as I plan to have fun video updates, including a <em>tour of our new living quarters</em>, and <em>interviews with each of our children.</em> I will link over to the LFM blog from time-to-time if I feel a post might interest my readers over here. <br />
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*For starters, check out <a href="http://littlefishministries.org/thelongest24hoursever/" target="_blank">"The Longest 24 Hours EVER"</a> :).<br />
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My plan is to get back to <em>actively blogging </em>over here again, now that most of the behind-the-scenes ministry work is complete (our website, prayer cards, display banner, and ministry video). <br />
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I'm so excited to <em>finally finish </em>the popular <a href="http://www.bergeybunch.blogspot.com/p/grace-parenting.html" target="_blank">Grace Parenting Series</a> and share more about <a href="http://www.bergeybunch.blogspot.com/p/older-child-adoption.html" target="_blank">The Good, The Bad, and The Downright Uglies of Older Child Adoption</a>. I'm also going to tackle <em>homeschooling on the road</em> and <em>teaching our children to be servants, </em>among other topics. <br />
<br />
I'd love some honest feedback on our new site, as well as <strong>prayer support </strong>for our family. This new journey requires great <strong>faith </strong>on our behalf, as Brent is not working a "traditional" job and our current income is <em>very small.</em> God <strong>has miraculously </strong>provided for our needs in so many ways already and we are humbled and excited to see how He will continue to do so. Should you feel led to participate in our <em>miracle</em>, you can do so <a href="http://littlefishministries.org/donations/" target="_blank">HERE.</a> <br />
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Looking forward to <em>chatting </em>with you all again soon! :)<br />
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<strong></strong>Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-27626973279267734592013-04-24T21:02:00.001-07:002013-04-24T21:02:11.783-07:00The Long AbsenceI've received numerous emails and messages from those of you wondering <em>where I've been </em>lately and <em>why I haven't been posting. </em><br />
<br />
The Lord has been opening new ministry doors for our family, and I've been unusually busy trying to prepare for this next phase of our family's ministry.<br />
<br />
I'll be back very soon with a long update, and hopefully be back to regular posting at that time, too. <br />
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I've missed you all! <br />
<br />
Blessings!Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-34344623192819197942013-02-22T19:03:00.001-08:002013-02-22T19:03:35.037-08:00Day 13: Parent, The Teacher, Part 3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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*Disclaimer: This post is long. I know that. I'm asking you to consider taking the time to <i>read every word, </i>slowly. I really feel like this is the essence of <a href="http://www.bergeybunch.blogspot.com/p/grace-parenting.html" target="_blank">Grace Parenting</a>. It's the foundation all of the other thoughts, tips, and methods are built on. With that in mind, I'm asking you: <i>Please don't skip this post. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<a href="http://www.bergeybunch.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-12-parent-teacher-part-2.html" target="_blank">Last time</a>, we talked about the importance of teaching our children in the areas of <em>education </em>and <em>emotions.</em><br />
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Today we're going to talk about how we can teach<em> </em>our children <em>spiritually.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
Because, in the end, if <em>we have gained the whole world, but lost the soul of our child....</em>we have truly lost it all. <br />
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Many parents <em>talk about God with their young children.</em> It goes something like this:<br />
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"Johnny, what you just did was BAD. Jesus is sad now. You don't want Jesus to be sad, do you? Well, then, you need to obey."<br />
<br />
or<br />
<br />
"God hates lying. The Bible says 'XYZ' about lying. You better <b>never</b> lie again."<br />
<br />
or<br />
<br />
"God punishes <b>me</b> when I disobey Him. That's why <em>I have to punish <b>you</b> now.</em>"<br />
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Each one of these scenarios (while mixed with some truth) is <strong>NOT </strong>giving our children the <em>gospel of grace. </em><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em>It is using God as a discipline threat.</em></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em></em></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em>W</em><em>e shouldn't be shocked that teenagers are running as fast as they can from a God who is viewed as nothing but a sad, angry, disappointed disciplinarian. </em></span></strong><br />
<em></em><br />
The question is, then, <em></em><br />
<em></em><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">How can we point our children to the true, living, grace-filled gospel of Jesus Christ?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
First, we must <i>define </i>what the gospel IS and what it is NOT.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>THE GOSPEL:</b></span><br />
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The gospel--in a nutshell--is that God, the creator of the universe, <i>had a plan when He created everything.</i> The first man, Adam, was sinless until he ate of the forbidden tree. Every human since Adam has also sinned against God.<br />
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God set in place the beginning of His plan for mankind: a way of atonement, through a sacrificial system, to offer forgiveness for those who broke God's laws. A person would bring a lamb to the high priest to be slain for his sins. Atonement was found in the <i>blood that was shed. </i>(All of this is found in the first three books of the Bible.)<br />
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For thousands of years (as documented in the Old Testament), this sacrificial system remained in place. With a few exceptions, most believers in the true God were Jews. <i>But all through the Old Testament, starting with the fall of man, we see the promise of a Messiah.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
At the appointed time, God sent Jesus, His only Son (and equally God AND man) to this world, as He had promised. Jesus, the Messiah, became the <i>once-for-all </i>sacrifice that ended the need for the original sacrificial system. His blood was shed when He was crucified (He became the <i>lamb</i>) and He ended the need for a high priest. Believers can now <i>come boldly to the throne of grace! </i><br />
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Jesus died, was buried, and <i>rose again, </i>and seen by many before His return to heaven. He left us with a <i>new </i>promise, that He would one day come again and bring all believers to live with Him eternally.<br />
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Forgiveness of sins--for all people, of all nations-- is now found ONE way: through redeeming faith in Jesus Christ.<br />
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I love this passage:<br />
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<i>"Therefore being justified by <b>faith</b>, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; By whom also we have access by faith into this <b>grace</b> wherein we stand, and rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we <b>glory in tribulations also</b>; knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time <u><b>Christ died for the ungodly.</b></u> For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. <u><b>BUT God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were YET sinners, Christ died for us. </b></u>Much more then, being now justified by his blood, <b>we shall be saved from wrath </b>to through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, <b>we shall be saved by his life.</b> And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement. Wherefore as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that<b> ALL have sinned</b>....For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ. Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one <b>the FREE GIFT</b> came upon all men unto justification of LIFE. For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. Moreover the law entered that the offence might abound, <b><u>But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:</u> </b>That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might <b>grace</b> reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 5)"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
The Gospel: Jesus died, was buried, and rose again<i> </i>the third day. Forgiveness of sins and eternal life in heaven is found <i>only </i>through faith in the gift that Jesus offers.<br />
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<i><br /></i>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>NOT THE GOSPEL: </b></span><br />
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The gospel is not found in church membership. <i>Or baptism.</i> Or communion. Or mass. <i>Or good works</i>. Or giving of your money. Or because your parents were Christians. <i>Or by following the law.</i><br />
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<i>There is NOTHING we can do to earn our salvation. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
It is a <span style="font-size: x-large;">GIFT. </span>It is not <i>earned</i>. We cannot <i>do enough "good" things to earn our salvation. </i>The work has already been done! Now, true saving faith will be known "by its works"....in other words, our faith is shown by our <i>love </i>and <i>works </i>for God, but only HE can do the work of redemption and forgiveness of sins.<br />
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<strong style="font-size: xx-large; text-align: center;"> <u>The Gospel of Grace In Our Parenting</u></strong><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">I'm sure by now you're wondering, <i>Where is she going with all of this? </i> </span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">Stay with me, cause this is where it gets good. :) These thoughts revolutionalized our parenting and revitalized our relationships with our children.</span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>Many parents give their children a rule (<i>law</i>)<i> </i>to obtain, blame it on the Bible, punish every single infraction of that law, and teach the child to <i>try even harder</i> <em>next time</em>.<br />
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Why is this so against the gospel of grace?<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Because without the<span style="font-size: x-large;"> gospel</span>, they will never be more than <i>moral hypocrites</i>, full of righteous pride, yet completely empty inside.</b></div>
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<b></b> </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
You see, <i>if<u><b> we</b></u> cannot <b>work hard enough </b>to please God, <b>why are we teaching our children that <u>they</u> should?</b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b></b></i> </div>
We are giving them the <span style="font-size: x-large;">law</span>--"Work very hard and maybe you will eventually <em>please God and your parents."--</em>instead of the gospel of <span style="font-size: x-large;">grace</span>: There is nothing we can DO to earn God's approval. It is ONLY through His power that we can choose righteousness. <br />
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We <em>do right </em>because it shows our love for Him and for others, not because it <em>earns His approval </em>or <em>makes Him "happy". </em><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Why is this so important?</span><br />
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Many children are raised in an atmosphere of perfectionism. <br />
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<em>They never measure up to God or their parent's approval.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
They spend their childhood <em>frustrated </em>that they are never <em>"good enough"....</em>and these feelings carry into adulthood, causing relationship and spiritual problems.<br />
<em></em><br />
Perhaps this rings true for <em>you. </em>Maybe you remember all too well the feelings of inadequacy. If you were raised under a harsh, law-filled parenting style, you can vouch for what I'm trying to say. <em>You know what it feels like to think that ADULTS can fail, but children must be perfect.</em>You know the pain of not measuring high enough. <br />
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I believe part of the problem is that we make the mistake of teaching our children that they must succeed at being "good" in order to meet the approval of God and man. <br />
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The truth is, they will NEVER be truly good. Instead, they will spend their life failing, seeking forgiveness, and trying again. They will need to daily seek power and wisdom from the Holy Spirit, and even then<em>, they will still fail.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
The goal, then, is not perfection. <strong>It is a right relationship with both us AND God.</strong><br />
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With this in mind, it is SO vitally important that we raise our little ones in an atmosphere of grace, second chances, forgiveness, and restoration. <br />
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We need to teach our children that they <em>will always fall short of God's perfect standard</em> but that HE finished the work of salvation at the cross, and that His love for us is not altered by our behavior. Our treatment of our children should mimic His.<br />
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God wants <em>willing hearts, </em>not perfect actions.<em> We must focus on their hearts, not merely their behavior.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>We cannot afford the high price of teaching them a false gospel---their very souls are at stake. </em><br />
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Thank you for sticking with me in this long post. :) My heart longs to offer encouragement to you on your parenting journey. Blessings! Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3219233868886406359.post-18064673762909784782013-02-14T05:33:00.001-08:002013-02-14T05:33:14.985-08:00A Letter To My Daughter On Her BirthdayDearest Eliana Rose,<br />
<br />
Today, February 13th, 2013, is your <i>eleventh </i>birthday.<br />
<br />
I remember the moment I found out we were expecting you. It had been a long road of infertility, heartache, doctors appointments, and disappointments in the years before you. There has never been a moment in my life where I have felt such incredible joy as the first time I saw <i>two lines </i>on a pregnancy test. You were on your way, and I was finally a <i>mother.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
We chose your name because it means "My God has answered my prayer". You were and are a gift from heaven. You were His before your birth, you were His at the moment of your birth, and you are His still.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fma1SWxcCMs/URvAYbgTI0I/AAAAAAAAB3A/YzoIst9YKv8/s1600/Scan0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fma1SWxcCMs/URvAYbgTI0I/AAAAAAAAB3A/YzoIst9YKv8/s640/Scan0001.jpg" width="388" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-Three weeks old-</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Your birth was my first attempt at an unmedicated birth. Thinking about touching you, kissing you, nursing you, and smelling your newborn smell is what got me through the long labor. You were worth every ounce of pain and I would have labored forever just to experience the joy of holding my first child in my arms. From the moment of your birth, we were inseparable. Where I went, you went, for years. I couldn't stand even a short time away from your sweet little self. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-One Year Old-</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
You loved to nurse, snuggle, sleep with Mommy, giggle with Daddy, and play with books. Lots and lots of books. You had a shy nature and reserved your jubilant personality for those who knew you best. You were a gentle and quiet soul, easy-going and self-entertained. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-8 Months Old-</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
As our firstborn, you were granted "guinea pig" status. We learned so much about ourselves as we learned how to parent you. I'm so sorry for the times we were too hard on you, the times when we didn't realize how unreasonable we were being, the times when we were harsh in the name of "godly parenting". We know better now and I love watching you as you learn to parent gently by caring for your siblings. You will be an incredible, patient mother someday.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iTC2_Z0v9XM/URvAcImrgRI/AAAAAAAAB3Y/V__MoM4hKKc/s1600/Scan0004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iTC2_Z0v9XM/URvAcImrgRI/AAAAAAAAB3Y/V__MoM4hKKc/s640/Scan0004.jpg" width="388" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-2 Years Old-</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I remember how badly you wanted to have <i>long hair </i>like Mommy. For a very long time, your hair just did NOT grow! We began to wonder if it would ever get long! (it finally did and now it's gorgeous!)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ULmwriu-yJ0/URvGZrSJG5I/AAAAAAAAB4k/ZZJyiJvbKjk/s1600/045.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ULmwriu-yJ0/URvGZrSJG5I/AAAAAAAAB4k/ZZJyiJvbKjk/s640/045.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-Just Turned Five-</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Two busy little brothers came in quick succession after you. Even though you played with boys most of the day, you were (and are) a girly-girl at heart. We stuck close together, you and I, playing dolls and tea parties. You prayed daily for a little sister....so when I got pregnant again, you were hopeful that it would be a girl.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WTDpv-SFNlU/URvHVwsJKJI/AAAAAAAAB4s/zfnioxKJh4w/s1600/Kids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WTDpv-SFNlU/URvHVwsJKJI/AAAAAAAAB4s/zfnioxKJh4w/s640/Kids.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-6 Years Old-</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-Just Turned 7-</td></tr>
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Instead, God blessed us with another boy. :)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XNmS56ngPQQ/URvLvvdiOUI/AAAAAAAAB5M/_S4reIzGjzc/s1600/Ethan's+first+month+036.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XNmS56ngPQQ/URvLvvdiOUI/AAAAAAAAB5M/_S4reIzGjzc/s640/Ethan's+first+month+036.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-Ethan, One week old, Ellie, 7 years old-</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uoLh5wJu_sQ/URvMG_K7nNI/AAAAAAAAB5U/TnpkiknHuZE/s1600/Ethan's+first+month+103.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uoLh5wJu_sQ/URvMG_K7nNI/AAAAAAAAB5U/TnpkiknHuZE/s640/Ethan's+first+month+103.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-Ethan, 3 weeks old-</td></tr>
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You continued to pray for a girl, and your dream came true the following year when we traveled across the world to meet your <i>sister </i>for the first time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FOO6N3yU-hE/URxdVp27gAI/AAAAAAAAB6U/Y2CXDx4yRbs/s1600/China+trip+and+Christmas+2010+430.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FOO6N3yU-hE/URxdVp27gAI/AAAAAAAAB6U/Y2CXDx4yRbs/s640/China+trip+and+Christmas+2010+430.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-Gabbey's Gotcha Week, China. Ellie, almost 9-</td></tr>
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Gabbey melted your heart the first time you held her tiny body. She attached to you right along with Daddy and Mommy. I love it when she cries for "Sissy!!" to sit by her in the van or at meal-time. You are truly "buddies" and have been so good for each other.<br />
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BUT--God wasn't done answering your prayer just yet! Instead of just ONE sister---in just nine months, He blessed you with a total of THREE sisters!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6alm3A7stk4/URxgfheGIbI/AAAAAAAAB7w/PJqhKqfujMM/s1600/324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6alm3A7stk4/URxgfheGIbI/AAAAAAAAB7w/PJqhKqfujMM/s640/324.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-Sisters by adoption, Friends for life--Johanna, Eliana, Gabriella, Alyssia-</td></tr>
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I'm most proud of you for how you've welcomed Johanna into our family. Sharing your first-born place in the family was harder than any of us imagined....and yet you gracefully and repetitively have chosen to love Johanna. You two have become the best of friends, growing into sisters in the true sense of the word. You have taught Johanna how to share, how to give sacrificially, how to treat others, and how to forgive. I want you to always remember, that even though you are no longer the "oldest" in the Bergey Bunch, our love for you in unchanged---deep as the deepest ocean, high as the highest sky, never ending, always growing.<br />
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Daddy and I stand amazed at the mature young woman you are becoming. You still have lots of "little girl play" left in you, and I kind-of hope you never lose that. :) Your innocence is radiating. I'm so thankful that you're not swayed a bit by the typical pre-teen fads, fashions, and moods.<br />
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Always remember that <i>true beauty </i>is not found in body-size, makeup, clothing, or accessories....True beauty comes from a genuine walk with God, and an unselfish love for others.<br />
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<i>In our eyes, you are truly beautiful.</i><br />
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Our only prayer for you is that you will serve God with complete abandon. Hold nothing back--only follow Him. Let Him mold you into His perfect masterpiece. Nothing else will bring you radical, radiant joy in life.<br />
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I promise to do my best to hold your hand through life's greatest joys and trials. I will encourage you, I will help you pick up the pieces, I will rejoice with you, and I will cry my eyes out with you. I can't promise you that life will always be <i>easy</i>, but I know without a doubt that you will overcome the challenges that come your way. Know that I pray for you daily---always, I'm praying for you.<br />
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Happy 11th Birthday, my beautiful daughter.<br />
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I love you, more than words can express.<br />
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Mommy<br />
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Selinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03876075549369142429noreply@blogger.com4