A Letter To My Daughter On Her Birthday

Dearest Eliana Rose,

Today, February 13th, 2013, is your eleventh birthday.

I remember the moment I found out we were expecting you. It had been a long road of infertility, heartache, doctors appointments, and disappointments in the years before you. There has never been a moment in my life where I have felt such incredible joy as the first time I saw two lines on a pregnancy test. You were on your way, and I was finally a mother.

We chose your name because it means "My God has answered my prayer". You were and are a gift from heaven. You were His before your birth, you were His at the moment of your birth, and you are His still.

-Three weeks old-

Your birth was my first attempt at an unmedicated birth. Thinking about touching you, kissing you, nursing you, and smelling your newborn smell is what got me through the long labor. You were worth every ounce of pain and I would have labored forever just to experience the joy of holding my first child in my arms. From the moment of your birth, we were inseparable. Where I went, you went, for years. I couldn't stand even a short time away from your sweet little self.

-One Year Old-

You loved to nurse, snuggle, sleep with Mommy, giggle with Daddy, and play with books. Lots and lots of books. You had a shy nature and reserved your jubilant personality for those who knew you best. You were a gentle and quiet soul, easy-going and self-entertained.

-8 Months Old-

As our firstborn, you were granted "guinea pig" status. We learned so much about ourselves as we learned how to parent you. I'm so sorry for the times we were too hard on you, the times when we didn't realize how unreasonable we were being, the times when we were harsh in the name of "godly parenting". We know better now and I love watching you as you learn to parent gently by caring for your siblings. You will be an incredible, patient mother someday.

-2 Years Old-

I remember how badly you wanted to have long hair like Mommy. For a very long time, your hair just did NOT grow! We began to wonder if it would ever get long! (it finally did and now it's gorgeous!)

-Just Turned Five-

Two busy little brothers came in quick succession after you. Even though you played with boys most of the day, you were (and are) a girly-girl at heart. We stuck close together, you and I, playing dolls and tea parties. You prayed daily for a little sister....so when I got pregnant again, you were hopeful that it would be a girl.

-6 Years Old-

-Just Turned 7-

Instead, God blessed us with another boy. :)

-Ethan, One week old, Ellie, 7 years old-

-Ethan, 3 weeks old-

You continued to pray for a girl, and your dream came true the following year when we traveled across the world to meet your sister for the first time.

-Gabbey's Gotcha Week, China. Ellie, almost 9-

Gabbey melted your heart the first time you held her tiny body. She attached to you right along with Daddy and Mommy. I love it when she cries for "Sissy!!" to sit by her in the van or at meal-time. You are truly "buddies" and have been so good for each other.

BUT--God wasn't done answering your prayer just yet! Instead of just ONE sister---in just nine months, He blessed you with a total of THREE sisters!

-Sisters by adoption, Friends for life--Johanna, Eliana, Gabriella, Alyssia-

I'm most proud of you for how you've welcomed Johanna into our family. Sharing your first-born place in the family was harder than any of us imagined....and yet you gracefully and repetitively have chosen to love Johanna. You two have become the best of friends, growing into sisters in the true sense of the word. You have taught Johanna how to share, how to give sacrificially, how to treat others, and how to forgive. I want you to always remember, that even though you are no longer the "oldest" in the Bergey Bunch, our love for you in unchanged---deep as the deepest ocean, high as the highest sky, never ending, always growing.

Daddy and I stand amazed at the mature young woman you are becoming. You still have lots of "little girl play" left in you, and I kind-of hope you never lose that. :) Your innocence is radiating. I'm so thankful that you're not swayed a bit by the typical pre-teen fads, fashions, and moods.

Always remember that true beauty is not found in body-size, makeup, clothing, or accessories....True beauty comes from a genuine walk with God, and an unselfish love for others.

In our eyes, you are truly beautiful.

Our only prayer for you is that you will serve God with complete abandon. Hold nothing back--only follow Him. Let Him mold you into His perfect masterpiece. Nothing else will bring you radical, radiant joy in life.

I promise to do my best to hold your hand through life's greatest joys and trials. I will encourage you, I will help you pick up the pieces, I will rejoice with you, and I will cry my eyes out with you. I can't promise you that life will always be easy, but I know without a doubt that you will overcome the challenges that come your way. Know that I pray for you daily---always, I'm praying for you.

Happy 11th Birthday, my beautiful daughter.

I love you, more than words can express.

Mommy

Alyssia: The Difference a Year Makes......

 

One year ago in China, a heartbroken foster mama and daddy said good-bye to a spunky little sparkly eyed baby. The baby they'd found 2 years before, abandoned as a tiny newborn. The baby who had slept in their bed, been comforted by their love, and charmed her way into their hearts.

 

They handed the beautiful baby girl over to her new daddy.

 

One year ago, a heartbroken little girl had her world turned topsy-turvy overnight. While she gained her "forever family", in the process she lost everything she'd ever known. The foster parents encouraged her to love your new American "baba" (daddy) but she didn't desire a replacement.

In desparation, she clung to the precious few items she came with: her clothes, her snack cup, her water bottle, and her sparkly red princess shoes. She spent hours crying in frustration that she couldn't hold all of her special things at once.

She slept fitfully, her nights filled with terror as she would awake and realize that the new daddy was still here and her foster mama was not. She would pick up her things and head for the hotel door, hoping this nightmare would be over soon.

 

The new daddy had prayed and waited for the moment he could hold his new baby girl in his arms---but naturally, she wasn't as excited as he was. Back home in America, the new mommy was clinging to every skype call, every email, every picture that was contact with her precious new daughter. Her mommy's heart ached to hold and comfort her during this difficult time.

 

Slowly, the baby girl began to accept her kind new daddy. They connected over food, over bath-time, over long walks and a soft new pink blankie.

  Just when the new normal was beginning to be predictable, the new daddy took the baby girl on a very, very long airplane ride......

 

which brought her to the arms of a new mommy. (and six fun new playmates!)

 

Having experienced the "hand-off'" once, baby girl was having none of it this time around.

 

She seemed convinced that if she liked the new mommy, even a tiny bit, the new daddy would leave and she would be abandoned yet again. So she clung tightly to new daddy and pushed, fought, screamed and sobbed when new mommy came near.

 

For a very long time... 

 

Even on "fun" days--like her 2nd birthday, the tears were still there. Especially if new daddy wasn't sitting VERY close by.

Each day the new daddy would peel the little arms off of his legs in order to leave for work.....and each evening, sweet baby girl would run to the new daddy and not let go of him all evening.

 

 

 

 

The new mommy tried very hard but it still took a long time for the sparkly little girl to start to shine through again.....

 

 

Until, finally, one day the new mommy could touch new baby without being smacked in the face....

 

 

Until one day, new baby would even SMILE with new mommy in the same room.

 
Until one day, new baby felt completely comfortable with her entire new family and the tears eased.....the fears subsided.......the night sweats went away......the nightmares and screaming were gone.

 
 And the new mommy was SO SO happy to finally be able to LOVE and be loved by new baby.
 

Welcome to the Bergey Bunch, Alyssia. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to love your sweet little self. This year has brought many changes for us and for you, but you are such a brave girl. Your spirit is gentle, kind, and so very precious to each one of us.

 

Never forget for a minute: You are so, so loved.

 

Happy 1 year Gotcha Day, Alyssia! 

 

 

Gotcha Day

My apologies for no post yesterday. It was an extremely long day, and by the time we were in our hotel room and I could have blogged, I went straight to bed.

Gotcha Day started out at 4 am when Gabbey and I were no longer able to sleep. We got up, but breakfast wasn't open until 6:30, which seemed like an eternity from 4 am! (I later figured out that we only had 3 small meals in 2 days, due to traveling, which explained why we were SO hungry for breakfast!)

6:30 finally rolled around, and we headed down to a DELICIOUS breakfast buffet. (remember, we were starving so it might have been dog food and it still would have been GREAT, lol)

After breakfast, I packed up our things and we took a taxi about 30 minutes to the train station. Bought a ticket for the 10:42 train to Guangzhou, which promptly became delayed until 11:40. So we waited and waited. And then we waited some more.

Gabbey fell asleep as soon as the train started moving, and slept almost the entire trip, which was such a blessing since she was getting grumpy at this point :)....I met a very nice older man from Spain who graciously helped me with my luggage. Passangers have to lift their own luggage on and off the train (and my suitcases are not exactly light, lol). He even had my luggage AND the stroller waiting for me when I got off of the train, which I know doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was part of the trip that I was most nervous about, and this man really made a difference by making it so easy for me! (How's that for a run-on sentence?? :))

Of course, the 2 hour train ride somehow turned into a 3 hour train ride. There were rumors of a cow on the line, but those rumors were NOT confirmed :) So, I was supposed to be in Guangzhou at 12:37, but didn't actually get off of the train until 2:30. My appointment to meet Johanna was at 2:30, and I was getting anxious that I was so late. One of the guides, Wendy, who met me at the train station, let me know that she called ahead to the Civil Affairs Office, and they knew I was running late. Whew. :)

I was very relieved to get into the van in GUANGZHOU. I made it! And by myself :)

I would have liked to check into the hotel first, unpack a little, etc, but there was no time for that. We headed straight to the Civil Affairs Office where Johanna and two workers from Zhongshan Orphanage were waiting!

My first glimpse of her was sitting on the red couch. She stood up immediately, and my first thought was how very small she is! I think Ellie is a little bigger than Johanna. (and Ellie is only 9). I ran up to her and hugged her, and she just kept smiling :) She's very curious about everything (so much of this is completely new for her) but she's not shown any signs of sadness yet.

Ms. Zhong (lady in the blue shirt) is the orphanage staff worker who tried SO hard to find Johanna a home. She is amazing! So sweet, and she did everything possible to prepare Johanna for Gotcha Day and her new life to come.

Often, adopted children do not come with anything but the clothes on their back. Ms. Zhong bought Johanna a new backpack, and it is filled with things from her previous life. A photo album, a CD of ALL of the pictures the orphanage has of her---from birth--, a book signed by all of her friends and teachers at school, an extra outfit and underthings, a copy of her birth note, etc......These things are PRICELESS ties to Johanna's childhood, and I am SO thankful for Ms. Zhong and her love for the children at Zhongshan!

We sat together and looked through the things she brought in her backpack. Then I gave her a few little things that I had brought along. She had purchased a gift for me with her OWN money----some little Chinese cookies and candies.

Wendy asked her if she was scared or if she had any reservations and she shook her head "no". She said, "I'm so happy. I'm ready." I can only imagine how ready she must be, considering this is the WEEK of her 14th birthday.

Johanna's voice is soft and wispy, if you could describe a voice that way. She's not very assertive or confident, just curious and eager to please.

We headed back to check into the Victory Hotel. I couldn't be happier with our room! I'll try to post pictures of it. As I unpacked, Johanna checked out the suitcase of things I brought for her. She LOVED the butterfly shirt with the matching skirt, and wanted to change right away. Then a few minutes later, I noticed her checking out the bras I brought for her, and I showed her she could put one on if she wanted to. She did, and I noticed how happy she looked. She wanted to wear my hairclip and put her hair back just like mine :) So we did our hair together, then I showed her how to use the toothbrush and toothpaste. She's very particular with her things, and when she was sure something was HERS, she went and put it in her backpack. I'm sure there's alot of meaning behind this behaviour as well.

We finally headed to dinner around 6 pm. Again, Gabbey and I hadn't eaten since 6:30 am. That made 5 meals in 3 days. Can you say STARVING?? I did have some snack foods along for Gabbey, but we were still really, really hungry! :) We ate dinner at the Cow and Bridge and then walked the Island for a few minutes.

While we were walking, Johanna all-of-a-sudden stopped, touched my arm, and pointed to her skirt. She needed to use the restroom :).....The whole way to the bathroom, we practiced the phrase, "Mommy, I need to use the bathroom". She's very willing to try English, and we've worked on quite a few phrases and words already. Her voice is very gentle and sweet, and I love to hear her say "Mommy". She can pronounce Johanna perfectly and she seems to really like to say her name. When we skyped with the rest of the family, she said, "My name is Johanna." Ellie and Nathaniel LOVED hearing her and seeing her for the first time!

I dropped into bed at 8:30. Gabbey and Johanna were asleep quickly, and we all slept pretty well. It's almost 7 am now, and Gabbey and I have been up since 6, which isn't bad, considering the jet lag.

I feel amazed, excited, a bit overwhelmed (mostly because of the language barrier), and just plain old happy. She's ours, she's safe, she's perfect, and I love her so much already. I know this will be a journey of ups and downs, but I'm trusting the God who orchestrated this adoption to give us the grace to parent this precious child. I truly do not see WHY ON EARTH she was left in an orphanage for FOURTEEN ridiculously long years (and once you meet her, you will agree with me!) but I can only go forward with the assurance that God wanted her in our family. She is a very brave little girl and we are the lucky ones.

Please continue to pray for wisdom, safety, and our bonding. Today we will finalize the adoption, and Friday we are scheduled to go visit her orphanage. She is VERY excited to "show me off" they told me, so I wanted to take her on her birthday. I hope it will be a day of closure and new beginnings for our beautiful new daughter.