Birth Story: Titus Alexander Bergey, August 17, 2014

 

*Disclaimer: While the photos on this post are tasteful and not graphic, it IS a birth story. Male readers may wish to skip the details. :)

 

While this was a pretty uneventful pregnancy, I struggled from the very beginning with fear.

 

Fear that I would miscarry.

 

Fear that my baby would die in the womb.

 

And towards the end of the pregnancy, fear that he would die during the birth.

 

I distinctly remember the first time I gave my precious baby back to the Lord. I KNEW He was in control, no matter the outcome, but I found myself having to repetitively rest in His wisdom.

 

I think part of the fear came from just being SO very excited to experience pregnancy, birth, and a nursing newborn again. It seemed too good to be true so I thought perhaps it WAS too good to be true.

 

Regardless, as I neared the end of the pregnancy, I talked with my midwife about some of my fears. I have a history of big babies (largest one was 10 lbs, 12 oz) and I also tend to not go into labor on my own without a little "nudge". I was worried that I would go past my due date and have a huge baby (more of that fear, I guess).

 

I experienced real contractions for the first time at 38 weeks. I knew I was in "early" labor, but didn't want to get to the hospital at the END of labor, when I can't walk. LOL

 

I was dilated to 4cm, having good contractions, but baby was in a posterior position, which the midwife checked several times, and she wasn't comfortable intervening at all because of the position of his head. "Funny angle", she called it.

 

I trust her, so I went home with strong contractions, went to bed, and woke up with nothing.

 

Disappointing to say the least. :) The next week was very uncomfortable for me. It was as if the early labor had triggered hormones in my body and I was grumpy and miserable. :) I was in a lot of discomfort and started to feel like the baby was getting big (my guess was 9 lbs) and that he needed to come pretty SOON.

 

At my 39 week visit, the midwife spent quite a bit of time checking baby's position again. She felt like he might be in a better position than the week before (little did we know!). She said if I started having regular contractions again, to call her and come in.

 

The next day I started having very mild contractions around 5 pm. They kept coming, though, and I was so hopeful that baby would come soon. I called the midwife and she said to come in whenever I wanted to.

 

I got to the hospital around 7, and she came to check me around 8. I was having contractions, but they were so mild that I was worried I was still at a 4 and would be sent home AGAIN.

 

Nope, not heading home. I was 7 cm! The midwife was able to break my water but said baby was still pretty high.

 

I changed into my nightgown, called Lauren (my photographer and sweet sister) to come to the hospital, and started walking the baby down. I LOVE to walk during my labors. There's just something about the distraction of walking, swaying, leaning, moving that helps me relax.

 

Here I am at 9 pm, still comfortable and enjoying having Ellie's company. This was her first birth experience and she did AMAZING.

 

 

 

Every time I walked in or out of the room, I had to stop and touch the baby warmer. Just reminding myself that there would be a baby in there soon helped me stay focused.

 

 

From 9 pm to midnight, I mostly just walked the halls. The contractions were manageable and except for lower back pain, I felt GREAT. I was enjoying the fact that I was so far along and yet so very comfortable---but as the night wore on, I started to think, "Why am I not feeling this baby move down? Why is this still so easy?"

 

Brent, Ellie, Lauren, and the midwife kept my mind off of those worries for the most part. We talked, laughed, walked, laughed, squatted, and laughed some more. :) I felt such peace and joy at having these special people joining in the birth of my son.

 

 

 

 

Those of you who know my husband, know that he is a funny guy. :) Here he is, mocking me, with Ellie's help. I realize some women wouldn't want any joking during their labor, but Brent is very sensitive as to when/where/how to joke or STOP. At this point, it was a lovely distraction for me. :)

 

 

 

Around midnight, I started getting tired. The contractions didn't seem to be getting much stronger or closer together.....the midwife thought I might be the first woman to birth a baby in the hallway :), but I knew he wasn't moving down the way he should.

 

Brent suggested I get checked, but I was nervous that I hadn't made any progress, so I kept saying NO.

 

 

 

Finally, I agreed to a cervical check.

 

I was complete.

 

10 CM.

 

 

But the midwife checked me for a L-O-N-G time. I could tell his little head was still pretty high. She finally said, "He's still posterior. And his head is turned in a very unusual way." I wanted to know WHAT this meant and HOW to fix it. She calmly suggested some new positioning to try to bring him down.

 

I'm so thankful now that she didn't tell me what she REALLY was thinking----that this baby may not descend and we may be headed for a C-section. I would have panicked and not been able to think straight if SHE had seemed stressed. She had such a quiet, calm demeanor and she passed on that calmness to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

First I tried sitting backwards on the toilet. Very painful, but I was looking to my midwife for direction. "Just a few contractions like this." she encouraged me. I was starting to quietly vocalize to stay on top of the contractions at this point.

 

It was 1 am.

 

For the next hour, I tried several positions in an attempt to bring the baby down so I could push.

 

I prefer to NOT be on the hospital bed at all, unless I'm pushing a baby out :), because it is just SO uncomfortable to not be able to move. So when the midwife suggested I try lying on my side in the bed, I was thinking, "Um, no. How about I go labor in the TUB instead?"

 

But I knew she was right. On my side I went.

 

The pain skyrocketed. After just a few contractions in this oh-so-painful position, I said, "Oh! I feel him coming down!"

 

I rolled over and she checked me again. She was still very calm---but not very reassuring that it was indeed time to push. (I know now that she was still worried, but again, she didn't show that to me at the time.)

 

It was around 2 am at this point, and I was on my back and in immense pain because of that fact.

 

I didn't know if I should get up and walk or if it was time to push.

 

Then the room filled with all of the "you're about to have a baby" staff. I could see everything being prepared, yet with the midwife seeming unsure, I was nervous.

 

"Oh, I think you're all lying to me and he's not coming soon." I wimpered.

 

The midwife kept saying, "Let's take it slow and let your body do the work."

 

And I was thinking, "YOU take it slow. I'm ready to be done." :) (I kept that comment to myself though.)

 

I pushed for 17 minutes. Slowly I felt him slide down. My last two births, I pushed them out with 2 pushes, so it felt like this was taking forever.

 

"Careful, slowly, let everything stretch." the midwife encouraged me. When she could see part of his head, she said, "OH, he's completely bald. Not a bit of hair!"

 

We had no idea that it was his FOREHEAD presenting. Normally, babies are born facing DOWN, with their backs against their mama's tummy. Occiput posterior babies are facing up, with their spine against mama's spine. (Hence the back pain.)

 

This baby was face up AND coming forehead first. The back/top of the head is the most moldable and usually the presenting part, and the majority of forehead presenting babies are not able to be birthed vaginally. A fact I'm glad I didn't know at the time. :)

 

I still felt him coming down, though, and I asked (begged?) her---"Can I just push him out now??"

 

Gently, (and extremely painfully, I might add) his head came out.

 

I gave another push, expecting the ripple feeling of the shoulders and body, but nothing moved. If anything, it felt like his head went back IN a little, instead of coming OUT when I pushed. I looked up at the midwife and she was calmly saying, "Call NOW."

 

The red cord, the emergency cord, the "I hope we never have to pull that cord because something BAD is happening if we do" cord---was pulled.

 

They dropped the bed down completely flat.

 

I had been watching the birth in a mirror, and I instantly KNEW.

 

He was stuck.

 

Shoulder dystocia is the fancy description of a baby that gets his shoulder wedged in the pelvic bone. Because his head is already out of the womb, his cord is compressed  (and in this case, wrapped around him as well) and he immediately begins to lose oxygen. He can't take a breath, but the cord can't supply him with oxygen either.

 

Three minutes.

 

The midwife told me later that they have THREE MINUTES to birth a SD baby before they are at risk of brain damage or death.

 

The seconds felt like HOURS. All those fears I had experienced during the pregnancy flooded my heart and I thought to myself, "He's dying. My baby is dying. I have to push him out NOW."

 

They put my legs in the air to open the pelvis, and the nurse pushed down on my stomach while the midwife reached inside me and released my baby's arm.

 

I closed my eyes and pushed with everything I had.

 

And when I opened my eyes, he was laying on my chest.

 

 

 

"Is he okay? Is he okay?" I kept repeating it. I looked at everyone in the room for reassurance.

 

The midwife smiled and said, "Stop looking at ME and look at your BABY!" :)

 

He was perfect. Blue at first, and bruised, but perfectly formed in the image of GOD.  

 

I turned to Brent and whispered, "I thought he was going to die."

 

"I know." he answered. "But he didn't. And he's here. And you did amazing."

 

 

Then I realized that Ellie, my sweet Ellie, had been in the room the whole time. I vaguely remember her backing into the corner when the midwife called for help.

 

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

 

"Oh, Mommy, I was so scared!" She began to cry a little, then reached out and touched her brother's hand.

 

"Me too." I whispered. "But he's here and he's okay now."

 

 

"I did it. It's over. That was terrifying. He's alive." These were the thoughts that kept running through my head.

 

 

After a couple of minutes, I looked down at my baby and I was instantly and gloriously in love. :)

 

 

This is my favorite picture from the birth. It captures all of the emotions perfectly.

 

 

I birthed the placenta, and the midwife quietly said, "Your placenta looks old, like it was starting to deteriorate. It's a good thing you had this baby NOW."

 

My mind thought for a minute, how different the outcome could have been, had I gone another week or two.....he would have been bigger and.....oh, I can't think about that.

 

Instead, I'm overwhelmingly THANKFUL.

 

For my husband, who supported me so gently and completely.

 

For my sister, who not only encouraged me, but also took such beautiful pictures to document the birth.

 

For my daughter, who got to experience the wonder and glory of a newborn's birth.

 

And for my midwife, who, with her quick thinking and calm personality, saved my baby's life.

 

 

Welcome to the Bergey Bunch, Titus Alexander. All 8 lbs, 13.6 ounces of you.

 

 

Ah, yes---I forgot to mention---he does indeed have HAIR. Gorgeous, soft, wispy blonde hair.

 

Just not on his forehead. :) 

 

 

To read Lauren's view of the labor and birth (and to see lots and lots of awesome photograpy!), click HERE.

New Baby for the Bergey Bunch

Last December, (right when I DISAPPEARED from the blogging world.....I truly love blogging, and I have a million posts I'm dying to share, but this past year has been spent LIVING, with very little time to write about that LIVING! ), we found out we were expecting our 8th child.

 

We had prayed for years that the Lord would bless us with another biological blessing, but we were SO busy with the adoptions, and then ministry, that we thought perhaps the Lord was saying "no".

 

But, on a rainy December morning, while Brent was hooking up the trailer for a day of traveling, I saw *two purple lines* on a pregnancy test and our already crazy life became just a little bit crazier.

 

To say the entire family was EXCITED is an understatement.  :)

 

We celebrated this precious baby the ENTIRE nine months of pregnancy. It was like our long-awaited first-born all over again, only a little bit better for Brent and I because we knew how amazing a new little life is. I struggled with morning sickness for about 17 weeks (compounded by our full-time travel....car sickness plus morning sickness is M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E!) but the rest of the pregnancy was FABULOUS!

 

At our 20 week ultrasound, we discovered that I was pregnant with another BOY.

 

Four girls and four boys. How perfect is that?  

  



 

My sister Lauren and my mom threw an amazing shower for little boy and me. Since we sold EVERYTHING we owned last summer, I was truly starting over with this little guy. I was blessed with so many little God-specific answers to prayer! Little boy Bergey was well-provided for and well-loved already. :)

My mom made 3 cakes for the shower! Yummy!

One of the highlights of this pregnancy was doing a Maternity Photo Shoot with my sister/photographer Lauren. She takes amazing pictures and without her, I wouldn't have so many incredible pictures from this baby's pregnancy/birth. I've never had nice pregnancy pictures (who feels pretty when they're big pregnant, lol?) so this is such a treat for me. :)


37 Weeks Pregnant with Baby Boy Bergey

Next post---Baby's birth! Stay tuned!

Embracing Boyhood: Finding Joy in Little Boys

We are blessed with four girls. Dramatic, gentle, quiet, nurturing, self-controlled, calm girls.

We also have three boys. Rambunctious, curious, destructive, loud, busy little boys.

When our first son was born, I didn't realize that boys were wired SO differently than girls.

At only eight weeks old, he would awake from a sound sleep with a grin on his face and his little feet kicking rapidly.

He was loud. And silly. And wild. He was amazingly imaginative--all.day.long.

When he started walking, he wasn't content with coloring or looking at books like his sister.

Instead, he stuck his hand in toilets.

He climbed up on the kitchen table.

He jumped off  anything and everything.

He played BIG and loved BIG and the only time he was STILL was when he was asleep.

I remember the first time I tried doing "school" with him. He had just turned two years old so I put him in his high chair and gave him a coloring page and a handful of crayons.

I told him to color, then turned to my four year old and got her started with her schoolwork.

By the time I turned back around, he had broken all five crayons and dropped them all on the floor, one by one, and was watching them roll away.

"All done, Mommy!" he exclaimed, with his hands out-stretched and waiting.

I sighed.

(You mamas of busy boys know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you?)

I had my first lesson about little boys that day. And while I'm still learning, today I wanted to share a few of the lessons I've learned since then.

How to Find Joy in Little Boys:

1. Embrace the Difference.

It's easy to look at your little *boy* and compare him with your friend's little *girl*, and wonder what am I doing WRONG? Look at how docile she is! Her little girl will be content to sit and play with a bucket and shovel in the sand for an hour while your little boy is throwing the sand (to make a windstorm, Mommy!), jumping off the side of the sandbox (I'm flying, Mommy!), and running off a hundred times in the first ten minutes of the play date.

You just can't compare boys with girls. Their entire physical, emotional, and educational make-up is different. God made them that way---so DON'T compare.

We mothers are GIRLS and so we often don't understand the way our boys think. It's unfair to expect them to act like little girls when they are wired so very differently.

After church one Wednesday night, when Nathaniel was four, his teacher approached me.

"Nathaniel said he doesn't want to color in class."

"I know. He doesn't like to color at home either."

"But he says it hurts his hand to hold the crayon that long. I think he's lying and you should deal with it. He needs to learn to color."

"Well, I will talk to him about it. But he isn't lying. He really, really has a hard time coloring for a long time."

I was tempted to come down hard on my little guy after this conversation. But then I realized something. This teacher was comparing my little guy to the only other child in her class--a GIRL who LOVED to color and did so elaborately.  My little guy had many strengths, but coloring just wasn't one of them. :) Don't compare boys to girls. Let them be different. It's okay.

2. Embrace the Energy.

We have three boys (ages 9, 6, and 4 right now). Just one of my boys has more energy than all four of my girls put together.

If I fight this fact, and expect them to sit all day, docile and quiet, I frustrate both myself and them. :)

Every single day, these precious little boys awake with a seemingly endless supply of energy.

If you can learn to laugh at their antics, redirect their rough play ("Balls are for throwing OUTSIDE. Here are your shoes."), and engage their energy in creative ways, you will find such JOY!

*Be a Mama Bear and get down on the floor and TACKLE your Baby Bear.

*Surprise your little boy by grabbing his hand and jumping with him across the parking lot.

*Have him stand to do his homework, run to his room, and crawl to the kitchen table.

*Let him "race" to complete every task. "How fast can you pick up all of these Legos? Ready, set, GO!"

The next time you find yourself frustrated at your little boy's energy level, think outside-the-box for a way to exercise that energy in creative ways.

3.Embrace the Opportunity to Train .

Sometimes parenting a child brings you to a point of frustration.

My husband and I always say that there are two options for frustrated parents.

*One--lower or change your expectations so the child can meet with your joyful approval.

*Two--train more efficiently for the desired behavior.

Yes, little boys are different than little girls. Yes, they are full of life and energy and we need to be understanding and creative in our interactions with them.

BUT--they are NOT un-trainable! They absolutely CAN learn self-control, gain a quiet spirit, and be obedient!

My boys LOVE to play "rough", to sword-fight with sticks, to chase the girls, and to wiggle through their schoolwork. :) But all three of them were sitting quietly through multiple church services at a year old. All three of them would stay on their blanket time for thirty minutes by a year old. These may not be goals you have for your little boys, and that's okay---each family has different goals, expectations, and experiences.

But every little boy can begin to be taught how to channel all of that energy into appropriate behavior.

Now, my boys are not quiet little robots by any means. :) When I take them all shopping they get antsy and sometimes very foolish. :) They are still a glorious work-in-progress.

Aren't we all? :)

I have found the key to not being frustrated is by setting the goal HIGH but working towards that goal with baby steps.

If he can't sit still for an hour, try 10 minute increments. If he is has too much energy to focus for three hours on his schoolwork, try shorter bursts of time with a lot of physical activity mixed in. Give lots of praise and tiny rewards when he gains skills that don't come easy to him. Stay positive.

Appreciate the fact that your little boy's most annoying qualities will most likely be what drives him to be a successful man someday.

Let me give you an example. Remember my two-year-old-crayon-breaker/thrower? He still doesn't love to color. But he will read (without moving or getting distracted!) for over an hour now. He will RUN to accomplish any little task for Mommy. He is by far my most nurturing, protective, tender little soul. He is still loud. He is still busy and energetic. But he is learning to turn that energy into productivity.

That early riser who never seems to need sleep? He's going to jump out of bed to go to work each morning with a smile.

That energizer bunny? He's going to work circles around his laid-back college friends.

That loud, embarrassing, over-the-top little guy? He might be a preacher, unafraid of what people think, willing to speak the truth at all costs.

That curious, take-everything-apart, destroyer? He just might change the world with his inventions.

Perspective is EVERYTHING. Embrace your little boys for who they are--and who they will become.

Set goals for your little boys. Help them learn to focus, to complete tasks in a timely manner, to stay quiet when necessary. But don't just EXPECT them to obey---TEACH them how to do it.

Little by little, one baby step at a time. :)

When I began parenting BOYS, I was frequently frustrated. I wanted quiet, still little angels and was shocked at boyish behavior. Thankfully, the Lord worked in my heart, gentling me toward these sweet little men. Now I wouldn't trade my busy boys for all the "quiet" in the world. :)

Embrace Boyhood--and you will find such JOY in little boys!

Long Overdue Update

It's been WAY too long since I've done a plain old regular update on our family. I will use the common excuse--life has been crazy-busy--and it is, in fact, true. :) I really really desire to write so much more than I actually do. But then I get behind, and instead of just posting in short little bursts, I just stop altogether for awhile. I appreciate the emails and messages when I've been absent for a time!

I'm including a bunch of more recent pictures in today's post, just for fun. :)

 

--At the Zoo!

--Seven at the zoo

 We have been in full-time ministry for six months now. We sold EVERYTHING in our home and moved into a 35 foot travel trailer.

Yes, that means all nine of us are in a very tiny space, all of the time. :)

 Maybe the next post will show how we live now.  I have grown to love our life in the trailer! The adjustment hasn't always been easy but God has been so so faithful to give me the strength to face such a huge change. He is good!

--Brent and Alyssia

 Our 15 passenger van has seen over 25,000 new miles since June. Every week we present our ministry (Little Fish Ministries) to new churches. Our hearts are in South Africa now but we know this time is vital to raise prayer and financial support.

Please pray that we can raise our support quickly and that we will have many partners for our South African orphan ministry!

---A picture of the three of us for Alyssia's yearly report to China

 The children have adjusted well to our lifestyle change. Johanna struggled at first (which we expected) but she has settled in nicely now. I know I've posted a bit about the huge challenges we faced at the beginning of Johanna's journey. I will be honest and say that it was very hard at times. We stuck to what we know to be true----that God would give us strength and wisdom to parent this child He had so clearly called us to----and I am so happy to share that things are MUCH better now. The skills we have learned as we have followed the Lord down this unknown path have better equipped us for future ministry.

---Johanna (16) :)

 EVERY child is a treasure and deserves to be loved and nurtured.

--From preemie to "big girl", Gabriella

Our tiniest treasure is finally growing! Gabbey is over 25 lbs now. She has turned into quite the little social butterfly, too. :)

---Eliana, 11, going on 16 :) She has grown many inches this year!

 My Ellie is growing into a lovely young lady. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I'm thankful for the blessing of older daughters to share in the joys (and work! lol) of our family

---Fun at Daddy's expense :)

---Say CHEESE! (See how tall Eliana is now?)

--Ellie and her sweet friend, Emily

--Noah, 6

 Noah. Sweet little middle child. He is such a cuddlebug. I love watching him learn to enjoy school. He is in the tooth-losing-stage and always seems to have a tooth coming or going.



---Nathaniel, 9, my young man
 

Nathaniel was such a busy, curious toddler/preschooler. He and Ethan are my energizer boys. :) If there is something to climb, hit, tackle, or cross, they are GOING to do it. No fear. I love the way Nathaniel is maturing into a little young man. He LOVES LOVES babies and is incredibly gentle and good with them. This past few months, Nathaniel has discovered the world of BOOKS and is loving reading every day.

---Ethan is FOUR now!

---Gabbey and Lyssie are both FOUR now, too!

---Birthday books from cousin Ruy!

---Chinese baby dolls from Nana and Grandad for their birthday (my parents)

---Not babies anymore! My "big" girls.

My "babies" are all four now. :) This should mean more "free time" for Mama, but with our ministry change and life-on-the-road, all of that "extra"?? time seems to be accounted for. There are no more diaper bags or strollers (for now anyway) and we are enjoying the sweet blending of our adopted/biological family. If you remember, we adopted all three girls in just 9 months and that change took a little adjusting time. Now it feels as if we were all always together and we are embracing the new opportunities the Lord is bringing our way.

Remember, I blog over at Little Fish Ministries, too, as time allows. I'd love for you to follow me over there!

Thank you for your patience with my infrequent blog posts. If heart's intent were allowed, I'd have thousands of posts by now.

They're just all written in my head for now. :)

Hugs,
Selina

10 Things You Wish You Knew About Adopting An Older Child

1. You will fall in love with a picture and a child a world away, and you will lay awake at night, thinking of this child and wondering about the days, months, years that you have missed. You'll wonder if you will ever truly be "Mommy" and if your love will fill the void of an empty heart. An ache will fill you down deep in your soul and it will become your necessary strength for this journey.

2. You will try to share this crazy, incredible adoption experience with your closest friends and loved ones and find their blank stares and "Are you completely crazy?" comments unnerving. They won't get it, and that's okay, because you know in your soul that you are this child's mother and you will give up trying to explain it to everyone.

3. Your "Gotcha Day" might not be filled with cute pictures you can't wait to post on the internet of  you and your new child. In fact, the hand-over will be quick, the paperwork a blur, the guide will pat your back and say, "See you tomorrow!" and you will find yourself in a quiet hotel room, alone, with a child whom you loved from afar but cannot even begin to communicate with. The newness and shock will wear off within a day or two and then reality will set in, for both you AND your child, and your world will start spinning with thoughts of "what have we done?" and "can we DO this?" and their world will be spinning with thoughts of "I'm scared!" and "I want to go back to the orphanage!" and even if you know this is for the very best you will both be struggling under the weight of the UNKNOWN yet to come. You will lie awake at night with a stranger in the room and hope you haven't just made the biggest mistake of your life. You will long for your other children, for home, for sights, smells, and sounds that are familiar---knowing all the while your child is losing exactly what you miss.

4. You will get home and things will settle down a bit. You still can't communicate much, but charades and Google Translate and baby talk will work for a while. The jet lag will just about kill you, but once that wears off, the honeymoon will begin. Your husband and other children, your friends, and your family will lavish attention on the new child, and you will breathe a sigh of relief. This may actually work after all! The smiles, the giggles, the joyful, abandoned way your child embraces new experiences will delight you and encourage you. You will stress over schoolwork and foods for awhile, then shortly come to the realization that there are far more important things to be learned.

5. You will be shocked by this child's immaturity. No matter how old their paperwork says they are, in reality they are more like a toddler. So you have to start with toddler basics---things like: sit quietly at the table, don't wipe your snot on your shirt, don't throw yourself on the floor when I tell you "no". And you will begin the long process of repeating yourself, daily. Some new behaviors will be learned quickly---but other ones will take every.last.drop. of energy you ever possessed. You will have to teach your child how to snuggle, how to seek comfort, how to need people, how to read their body signals, how to do just about every last thing. You will cease to stress over schoolwork and such and will learn to appreciate little victories---like the first time you take your child to the store and they don't crawl under the clothing racks or run around in loud circles. Or the first time they fall and get hurt and run TO you instead of AWAY from you. You'll capture the first unsolicited kiss or hug and the first "I love you" and keep the memory and sweetness of it tucked away for the next exhausting day.

6. The honeymoon will eventually wear off completely, and your child will begin to grieve and rage heavily. The immensity of the loss ("Why my China mommy not keep me? Why you not adopt me when I a baby??? Why I not see my friends in China anymore?") combined with the inability to process their feelings in a healthy way---and the language barrier---will send the child almost completely over the edge. The mourning process may be quick but it may be lengthy and you will be dealing with hours and hours of crying, screaming, raging, defiance, or running away. This child who never learned to obey will defy you at every turn. You will need to help this child all.day.long. yet will feel the guilt of not being able to meet the needs of everyone who needs you simultaneously. The new child "needs" the most so the other family members must take second place for a time. And your guilt continues. You will, out of complete necessity, pull back from EVERYTHING else in your life.

7. You will keep the "bad days" to yourself, far more than you should, simply because you want this to work and you know you're right smack in the center of God's will and you don't want to hear the "I told you so's" from the crowd of dissenters. You will fear scaring off potential adoptive families if you tell the truth about how very hard this is. You will find your entire world is turned upside down for a while, and you will wonder if life will ever return to normal. The house you used to keep spotless will become messy, the children you used to have well-trained will begin to struggle, and you will find every aspect of your life in fragile disarray.

8. Your other children will "love" this child, then hate this child, then learn to truly love this child. This process will rip your entire heart right out of your body, yet it will teach all of you about Jesus' love. You will turn into a full-time counselor, guiding precious little hearts towards choosing love and forgiveness. YOU can take just about anything, but when your other children come to you and express their honest thoughts and struggles over this new child, you will come very close to wanting to disrupt, to start over, to go back to the safety of your "old" comfort circle. You will need other adoptive friends who can encourage and equip you to carry on when the going gets tough.

9. You will choose to continue on this journey, not because it is easy, but because it is good and right and necessary for healing. You will hold the raging child for hours and hours, you will redo and script and discipline and train and repeat yourself until you think you're going to lose your mind. You will snuggle this child when it makes your skin crawl, you will love this child even though you don't even like them some days, you will drop into bed drop-dead exhausted---and then you will get up again the next day and do it all over again, because you are committed to helping this child blossom. You will not rely on your feelings, because they will be all over the stinkin' place at times, but you WILL rely on your husband, your faith, and your unwavering commitment to parent this precious child. You will dig down deep and plow ahead, KNOWING the rewards will be worth it.

10. You will wake up one morning and realize that you've both made it through the dark valley and you're finally on somewhat even ground. Your child will brush their teeth without being told, will use a napkin and manners at the table. They will not whine, cry, quit, or cheat at their schoolwork. They will seek out affection and receive it willingly. You will smile as your children play together nicely and whisper sweet secrets in the dark at bedtime. You will listen and weep as your child finally opens up about their past, the abuse, and the heart of why they are who they are. You will take a breath and realize that you no longer love the image of this child--you truly love them. And you will find that your child is not the only one who has grown during this journey---you will not be the same person as before. You will be better. You will have no regrets as you realize you would gladly do it all over again to get to TODAY.

Announcing: Little Fish Ministries

Please forgive my extended absence from posting. I wish I could always balance family, ministry responsibilities AND active blogging, but the truth is, I can't. :) Sometimes one must take precedence over the other and such was the case for the past few months.

HOWEVER! :)

I am thrilled to finally be able to announce that God has called our family to be missionaries to the orphans of South Africa! After several months of preparation, we are now traveling full-time, presenting our ministry to churches and raising financial support for our family.

Click HERE to view our brand-new ministry website---Little Fish Ministries. You can read all about our vision for LFM, the story behind the name, FAQ's, and much, much more! If for no other reason, visit our new site just to view our ministry video. Our sweet Johanna (adopted 2 years ago, at age 14) shares her story in her own words---and you do not want to miss it! I still cry every time I watch it.

I will be blogging over at Little Fish Ministries on a regular basis about our life on the road and our ministry updates. If you're curious as to how we're going to travel full-time with seven children, follow the LFM blog as I plan to have fun video updates, including a tour of our new living quarters, and interviews with each of our children. I will link over to the LFM blog from time-to-time if I feel a post might interest my readers over here.

*For starters, check out "The Longest 24 Hours EVER" :).

My plan is to get back to actively blogging over here again, now that most of the behind-the-scenes ministry work is complete (our website, prayer cards, display banner, and ministry video).

I'm so excited to finally finish the popular Grace Parenting Series and share more about The Good, The Bad, and The Downright Uglies of Older Child Adoption. I'm also going to tackle homeschooling on the road and teaching our children to be servants, among other topics.

I'd love some honest feedback on our new site, as well as prayer support for our family. This new journey requires great faith on our behalf, as Brent is not working a "traditional" job and our current income is very small. God has miraculously provided for our needs in so many ways already and we are humbled and excited to see how He will continue to do so. Should you feel led to participate in our miracle, you can do so HERE.

Looking forward to chatting with you all again soon! :)

The Long Absence

I've received numerous emails and messages from those of you wondering where I've been lately and why I haven't been posting.

The Lord has been opening new ministry doors for our family, and I've been unusually busy trying to prepare for this next phase of our family's ministry.

I'll be back very soon with a long update, and hopefully be back to regular posting at that time, too.

I've missed you all!

Blessings!